Should Kayaker Throw Friend Overboard?

Dear Lisa,

I have a plain ordinary coNUNdrum I'd love y'all to tackle.

About four years ago, my best friend and I went on a daring adventure: a 22 mile canoe/kayak race down a swampy, alligator infested, no-moving river with about 100 other contestants. We weren't in it for the race, just the adventure. We each had a kayak and started off nice and slow. I was pumped and ready to blaze some trails, but my friend is much more laid back and was content at a slow pace. I patiently held back for her...and held back...and held back until I was nearly exhausted. We thought we'd never reach the 15 mile check point, but finally did. It was an unspoken agreement that she would bail and I would go on to finish. But we arrived 15 minutes over the max time, so they pulled us from the river. I was so upset at not being able to finish (though I managed to keep it together in front of my friend). I love her to death, but she just doesn't have the drive I have.

No problems, our friendship is still strong. Okay, one problem. I found out it might be possible for me to tackle the race again this year. But I don't know what to do about my friend. I have a feeling she would want to do it again, but we can't end up like last time. I can't leave her behind, but I can't hang back either. I could try to pair her with someone else, I suppose, but what if they run off and leave her?

The race is less than a month away, and I'm lost at what to do. Any suggestions from 1-5 is welcome!

Sincerely,

Confused Kayaker


Dear Confused Kayaker,
It's one thing to not be the quickest kayak in the river—it's another to be pulled from the race. Kudos to you for keeping it together. I might have sacrificed my friend to the alligators.

I happen to love adventure racing, too.


One lesson I've gleaned about team racing is that it's important for each member to have the same expectations—or at the very least for everyone to know what the individual expectations are, so we can have each other's back at crunch time. Sometimes it takes a bad experience like yours to learn.


It took one of those experiences for Sam to learn what my expectations were. A few years ago, he and I and a third team member, "Marty," entered a run-of-the-mill adventure race. Running, mountain biking, kayaking (26 miles total), with obstacles thrown in to complicate things.


The first obstacle was a ten-foot wall. Sam gave a boost to Marty who had no problem hauling himself over the wall to the platform where he found and let down the rope that was waiting. I (and my low center of gravity) were up next. I grabbed the rope and walked my feet up the straight wall, Sam supporting me from "behind." Marty urged me on from above. Near the top, I swung my right leg up, caught my ankle over the wall's ledge. And it was in this unladylike position where I got stuck for at least two full microwave minutes. Had Sam informed me that a Channel 5 camera crew had come up next to him and was filming my climb from below, I feel fairly certain adrenaline would have kicked in, and that I would have gotten me and my unflattering bike shorts over that obstacle in a hurry. But Sam didn't know I had the expectation of being informed of camera crews. He does now. We've never had a repeat of this problem.


So, Confused Kayaker—I think it's a good idea to give your friend the option of racing with you and participating in your kayaking redemption. You said in your letter that there was an "unspoken agreement" between the two of you. I think this time you need to speak aloud all agreements—kindly, maybe with some humor—but above all clearly. Make sure she knows what your expectations are—how much effort she needs to make, what happens if she falls away from the pace, etc.


If she hesitates in any way, tell her you'll help her find a better-suited partner. Don't talk her into going. You don't want to risk the repeat of being pulled from the 'gators before the finish line—chances are you wouldn't handle it as well as you did the first time.


And who knows?—she might decline, which would be a less stressful scenario for you, as you'd be free to choose a partner with your same drive. If you can't find someone, btw, email me—I'd go with you in a heartbeat and paddle my arms off for you. A lower center of gravity may be a hindrance in wall-climbing, but it's a real plus in stabilizing a kayak.


Wishing you all the best this second time around.
Lisa
P.S.  This is a plain ordinary coNUNdrum?


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