Updates: The Tales of Two coNUNdrums

Friday Greetings—

We have two updates today—one from "Prisoner," which is ongoing, and one from "Kayaker" which I'm going to tally in the "success" column. To date, we have solved ONE coNUNdrum! Yes! Give yourselves a hand. Maybe Mari would make a chart for us where we can keep track. One year I kept track of all the prayer requests/outcomes of our small church family—it blessed me to take note of how God answered those prayers, and how many times He used plain ordinary people (like us) to do it.

Now for Prisoner's update:

Dear Responders,
I appreciate all of your responses to my letter to Lisa a couple weeks ago. The situation is complicated, but not impossible. I do have the support of the women at my church. For the first time in my life, I feel secure, loved, cared for, and protected. All of you have added to that.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked God, “How long?” or felt that I needed to keep quiet because exposing the nakedness of our family is dishonoring to my husband. Or how many times I tried to ask for help from women at my former church, and was told, “You need to be thankful God has put it on your mother-in-law’s heart to support your family.”


I’m sorry, I need to break there and say something to that. “HOGWASH!” If you disagree with that, I apologize. However, my mother-in-law went against the instructions of her husband when he said, “Do not give them money. He needs to get a job.” My husband also, for receiving the moneys dishonored his father. According to my Bible, this is dangerous ground.


Back to my letter.


It has been in this past year that the guilt and shame has begun to weigh heavy on my head. Knowing that my church rescued us time-and-again, added to it. Wondering how long they would assist stirred fear. However, God faithfully sent women my way saying, “I don’t know why, but God has me praying for you.” Or, “Whenever I see you I hear the Lord tell me how much He loves you. It makes me want to cry because you don’t even see it.”


The wounds go deep. This has gone on a long time. This week, I will be asking “Tom” to move out. Three years ago, I said, “I will get a job if I have to, but you'll have to move out.” Since December, I have been receiving freelance writing jobs. When talking to a couple ladies, who followed me into the bathroom today (Sunday, 7-18-10) as I melted into a puddle before them, the ladies pressed me to be true to my word. I know they are right. I was thinking about those words this morning before church, and knew that I needed to show him that talk is cheap.


Please continue to pray for me. I need courage. I am bombarded daily with thoughts, “You are making too much out of this. You need to lighten up. Look at his health.”


Ok, so he has health issues. BUT, they haven’t been issues the entire 19 ½ years of our marriage. His selfish behavior towards the children is not new. He quit his job – a possibility of future ownership – with his dad’s business, one month after our wedding. Why? For a business opportunity that would afford him great income at little effort. And so the cycle began.


His mom enabled him. I’ve begged her to stop. “We need to be thrown off the dock. It is up to us to sink or swim.” She didn’t listen. When I left my job 10 years ago at his urging – he did after all have a good job now – she said, “No more money from us then.”


My response: “Thank you.” It didn’t stop. What I’m saying now is this: I have been struggling with this for years. I am worn out. My emotions are all over the place. Yet, I find myself afraid of hurting his feelings. Why is that?


Most appreciative,
Prisoner

Note #1: Prisoner talked to "Tom"—he was cooperative. They are deciding which is best while he gets his act together—his moving out, or her moving out to live with her brother.

Dear Prisoner,


Thank you for updating us. It's so good to hear that progress is being made, and that you are staying the course. You asked why you are afraid to hurt his feelings. Only you can know for sure, but here are some possibilities:


• Women in general don't like to hurt people's feelings
• You have a soft heart toward your husband—in spite of everything. If so, keep it—even as you hold him accountable.
• Fear of his reaction
• Fear of change—as much as it's needed, and with all your faith and support, it can still be a scary proposition


Please continue to give us updates, Prisoner—you continue to be in our prayers.

Here is Kayakers update:

Hi Lisa/Readers
After much prayer and mulling over all the WONDERFUL input (emphasis mine), I got up the nerve to talk with my friend. She was almost excited at first, and started talking about how we could do the race. I kept emphasizing (in the fun way we use with each other) how tough it was going to be and how it would require whole-hearted commitment, etc. She wavered and I told her to think about it and I totally understood if she didn't want to do it.


She texted me two days later and said she probably wouldn't do it.


So now I'm off on a mad dash to find a partner! lol, I think my brother will if no one else.


Thanks again for the advice and support *hugs*
Love,
No Longer Confused

Note #2: did anyone else notice that I did NOT receive an invitation to participate in this race even though I made the offer? My feelings aren't hurt, though. No, I'm fairly certain that "Kayaker" would have asked had she not been scared away by my first-born offspring's comments. This is what happens when you teach your children to write.)

Sure, they look all innocent while learning--but then. . . . WATCH out!

Note #3: I think we deserve pictures of kayaker's event, don't you?

Before I wish you a great weekend, I make a plea for your coNUNdrums—send 'em in--you won't find judgment here.

 After all, we want to avoid this kind of thing:

Weekend Well-Wishes: May you have a fabulous stress-free two days spent with the people you love and who love you.

All in Goodwill,

Lisa

The Last Note:  The lines are actually ALWAYS open for you.