|I'm still not getting my royalties for this phrase. Dunno why.|
"Me," being Maddie.
So I had every intention of riding off into the sunset and letting this blog live on and thrive without me, but this morning I opened my inbox and found that The People still had questions that needed answering.
And you know what I say about The People:
"Power to them."
So my mother has stepped aside and let me come back to answer this rather fundamental coNUNdrum today. Because really, if we can't answer this particular question, then what is the point of this blog?
It's short and sweet:
I desperately want to submit a conundrum to an advice column, but I'm not sure what a conundrum is? Please help me.
49% in Grade 12 English
I think I'll begin with this photograph and see if that helps ------->
See it? The hoofed creature is in QUITE a coNUNdrum as it has no head, breathing abilities, or way to get food and the two sets of feet are inverted, implying that it has no way to really get around. Yet we are left with the vague idea that it's somehow a living thing. Also, you may have initially noted that this picture is rather "silly" and kind of odd, eliciting reactions like: "What the devil is that thing?!" and general feelings of discomfort.
Actually, the picture that always comes to my mind when I think of a coNUNdrum is an oil painting that my since-passed Grandpa (Readers may remember him as the Grandpa with the false tooth in the chili.) painted himself. It was Daisy Duck flaunting prominent mammary glands and laying decadently across a chaise lounge. I can't remember if she actually had a cigarette in her beak or if I'm just inventing that part in my head because it seemed so fitting. The fact that he hung that painting in his bathroom furthered the mystery/horror for my young self even more.
Anyway, I digress.
Webster weighs in:
Etymology: origin unknown
Date: 1645 -*(Sidebar: isn't it cute to think about little people in 1645 running around having/talking about their coNUNdrums? "Oh I daresay, my hair be-eth oily and preventeth me from getting-eth a date, but to washeth myself would be-eth a surefire way-eth for me to catch-eth the plague!")*
1 : a riddle whose answer is or involves a pun
2 a : a question or problem having only a conjectural answer b : an intricate and difficult problem.
As it turns out, 49% (can I call you my Lil 49er?) you've unwittingly formed a coNUNdrum in your very denial of even knowing what a coNUNdrum is! Doesn't that make you feel special?
Think of it this way:
Every time you have a problem, (i.e. you're failing English)
find a way to make it a little ridiculous sounding, (i.e. you're failing English because your teacher only speaks Japanese)
You have a coNUNdrum!
How can you be expected to pass English from someone who has no idea what the alphabet is?
It's hilarious, and you probably have a good shot at having your grades excused.
Of course, 49%, if you're actually just failing English because you suck at the stuff, THEN all you have is a plain, old, vanilla, problem and that's just not funny to anyone. We at Connecting Now do respectfully ask that you take your business elsewhere if that is the case. We only deal with coNUNdrums here.
Sorry, I don't make the rules, I just enforce them blindly. Talk to Lisa if you want an answer to a problem, as she jumps at any silly issue that comes her way. I just have standards, I suppose.
So, my dear Lil 49er.
I hope this clears things up and that your grades improve.