Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Back by Popular Demand!

I'm still not getting my royalties for this phrase.  Dunno why.
Hey Kids, it's me again.
"Me," being Maddie.

So I had every intention of riding off into the sunset and letting this blog live on and thrive without me, but this morning I opened my inbox and found that The People still had questions that needed answering.

And you know what I say about The People:
"Power to them."

So my mother has stepped aside and let me come back to answer this rather fundamental coNUNdrum today.  Because really, if we can't answer this particular question, then what is the point of this blog?

It's short and sweet:

Dear Maddie,
I desperately want to submit a conundrum to an advice column, but I'm not sure what a conundrum is? Please help me.
Sincerley,
49% in Grade 12 English

Dear 49%,
 
I think I'll begin with this photograph and see if that helps ------->
 
See it?  The hoofed creature is in QUITE a coNUNdrum as it has no head, breathing abilities, or way to get food and the two sets of feet are inverted, implying that it has no way to really get around.  Yet we are left with the vague idea that it's somehow a living thing.  Also, you may have initially noted that this picture is rather "silly" and kind of odd, eliciting reactions like: "What the devil is that thing?!" and general feelings of discomfort.
 
Actually, the picture that always comes to my mind when I think of a coNUNdrum is an oil painting that my since-passed Grandpa (Readers may remember him as the Grandpa with the false tooth in the chili.) painted himself.  It was Daisy Duck flaunting prominent mammary glands and laying decadently across a chaise lounge.  I can't remember if she actually had a cigarette in her beak or if I'm just inventing that part in my head because it seemed so fitting.  The fact that he hung that painting in his bathroom furthered the mystery/horror for my young self even more.
 
Anyway, I digress.
 
Webster weighs in:
Pronunciation: \kə-ˈnən-drəm\
Function: noun
Etymology: origin unknown
Date: 1645  -*(Sidebar: isn't it cute to think about little people in 1645 running around having/talking about their coNUNdrums? "Oh I daresay, my hair be-eth oily and preventeth me from getting-eth a date, but to washeth myself would be-eth a surefire way-eth for me to catch-eth the plague!")*
1 : a riddle whose answer is or involves a pun
2 a : a question or problem having only a conjectural answer b : an intricate and difficult problem.

As it turns out, 49% (can I call you my Lil 49er?) you've unwittingly formed a coNUNdrum in your very denial of even knowing what a coNUNdrum is!  Doesn't that make you feel special?

Think of it this way:
Every time you have a problem, (i.e. you're failing English)
find a way to make it a little ridiculous sounding, (i.e. you're failing English because your teacher only speaks Japanese)
and voila!
You have a coNUNdrum!
How can you be expected to pass English from someone who has no idea what the alphabet is?
It's hilarious, and you probably have a good shot at having your grades excused.

Of course, 49%, if you're actually just failing English because you suck at the stuff, THEN all you have is a plain, old, vanilla, problem and that's just not funny to anyone.  We at Connecting Now do respectfully ask that you take your business elsewhere if that is the case.  We only deal with coNUNdrums here.

Sorry, I don't make the rules, I just enforce them blindly.  Talk to Lisa if you want an answer to a problem, as she jumps at any silly issue that comes her way.  I just have standards, I suppose.

So, my dear Lil 49er.
I hope this clears things up and that your grades improve.
Yours Truly,
Maddie

8 comments:

  1. LOL! This is hilarious! I guess I'm with Lil 49er with my realization that I didn't quite understand a true coNUNdrum until now. I think I'll go ROFL now. *giggle, snort, laugh*

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bwahahahahahahaha! ROFLMBO (and yes, I'm literally rolling, so it's gotta be taking some pounds with it, right???) ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh my goodness. This is hilarious, yet oddly helpful!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I use conundrum in conversations all the time now. See what Lisa has done for us? Improved our vocabulary. Makes us seem so smart. And now our dear Maddie has further defined the word for us in a most humorous manner:) Like mother like daughter:)

    ReplyDelete
  5. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? I do believe this falls under the #2 definition. Please answer this Bear!

    ReplyDelete
  6. ROFL...let me haul my middle aged self off the floor after that laughing spasm. Maddie, Maddie, Maddie... What's a mother to do with a daughter like you?

    Li'l 49er,
    I must confess that when I helped Lisa with her blog I had to research what a conundrum was so I could better understand her. I have to do that a lot with Lisa...research so I can understand her. And I got an "A" in English. sigh my High School diploma Belies itself.

    Belies
    1 a : to give a false impression of b : to present an appearance not in agreement with
    2 a : to show (something) to be false or wrong b : to run counter to :

    So now you have 2 new words to add to your vocabulary. Stick around and I'm sure there will be more if you hang with these people.

    ReplyDelete
  7. We may never know if your words have helped Lil 49er, but they have encouraged me to become gooder at English and become an artist - I can make a deer that doesn't look like a deer, too. Keep up the good work...Maddie.

    ReplyDelete