I have decided that I really need help in making this decision. All my life I've wanted to be a writer. It's been my dream since I could hold a crayon. But like with any dream, life has a way of interfering. I fell in love, got married, had kids, held down several jobs, moved half a million times, and before you know it, I was 47 years old and I had sold one stinking article in my whole life. So I decided that I was going to WRITE. And I did. And I started bidding on writing jobs and editing jobs and now, after a couple of years, I've got more work than I can handle. In fact, it consumes ALL my time.
My kids live about 2 hours from me and I have no time to visit them. The last time I saw them was 4th of July. My house looks like a tornado hit it, I've lost the poodle somewhere and I can't find her, and my husband swears I hate him because I haven't cooked in the last several days...weeks....hmmm, maybe it's been a month. I honestly can't remember...
Anyway, I digress.
I really want to work in my garden, plant some flowers, grow some vegetables and enjoy my family, especially now that I've got my first grandchild on the way. So I'm thinking about doing what before would be unthinkable...
I think I'm going to give up writing. Not all writing, just writing for others. See, that's the rub...it's become a tedious chore now, and I don't enjoy it at all. I take pride in a job well done, but I'm tired of writing stuff for others. How many ways can I write the same thing over and over again? I've sat back and thought about it, and I've tried to think, what writing makes me happy? It's the writing I do for ministry, the writing I do with my blog, (and if I had time I'd have more than one blog for different subjects because I'm terribly opinionated), the creative writing that challenges me. I'm making good money with what I'm doing though, and in these tough times, should I just throw that away? I think about what would I be giving up...the ability to buy more stuff? If we didn't have this income, we wouldn't really be hurting. And if I had to, I could always pick it up again.
I just want to enjoy my kids and my husband and spend time with this new grandchild about to be in my life, so I've set a goal that by the end of the year, I'm finished. Kaput. That's it. Do you think I'm tossing away a gift I've been given? Should I just bite the bullet and keep on going? I don't want to look up, see I'm 75 years old, and find I've worked my hind end off and have nothing of value to show for it...like friends and family. But at the same time, no one said life would be easy.
What do you think?
Weary Writer
Dear Weary Writer,
Even if you hadn't signed yourself as such, I would have known—the weariness came through in every word, made my heart ache for you. And while you've given your situation careful thought, and answered many of the questions I would have asked, let's still untangle some of the threads.
At 47 you set out to become a paid writer and then did just that. I repeat—in a short amount of time, you accomplished your goal. Do you know how rare that is? No one can take that away, and you should feel good with what you achieved. That it was content or technical writing doesn't make it less of an accomplishment. Nor does it matter that you are now finding it unfulfilling—you wouldn't have known that, if you hadn't tried. Many writers, btw, would love to earn a real income from writing. For you, personally, this kind of writing isn't what fulfills you, and because of your financial circumstances it doesn't need to. That's a monumental blessing.
It sounds like you already know what the right decision is for you, and that maybe what you need is a "gut check": Am I crazy? Is this okay for me to do?
I can only give you the answer I would give to my dearest friend. No, you're not crazy. Yes, give up the time-consuming, unfulfilling writing assignments—for all the reasons you mentioned: lost poodles, malnourished husband, abandoned children, neglected gardens, tornadoed house, AND your discontentment regarding these areas.
Then added to that list, is the impending arrival of your first grandchild! The hope, joy, and opportunity/excuse to put everything else back in order. New life has a way of doing that to us.
What a gift it would be if you started a new chapter in your "career" by building a written legacy for that grandchild. A gift for both of you. You could begin compiling every blog, devotional, and story you write, from this point on, to someday give to this grandchild, letting this person know what his/her coming into the world meant for you.
Whether you go this route or not, writing what you feel led to write is not throwing your gift away. On top of that, nothing you've already done has been a waste—God has used it all to teach you about yourself and about who you are in Him—to draw you closer and closer. For years you gave selflessly to your family. For a time you immersed yourself in your own goals. It sounds like this is the season of your life where the two can meet and bring the little girl, who held the crayon in her hand and dreamed writerly dreams, some real joy and fulfillment.
 |
| Replete with an "Ebenezer"--to help you remember |
It may be too late to plant vegetables, Weary Writer, but it's a perfect time for planting pansies.
I'll be praying for you.
The lines are open--what words do you have for Weary Writer?
This was me several months ago.
ReplyDeleteI made enough money from web content to pay for two writers’ conferences – but I was physically exhausted and my creativity was completely drained.
My wife said I didn’t even enjoy time with my grandson because I always had a project or assignment hanging over my head.
I dropped all the web content work. Cold turkey. As each company sent me a new assignment, I rejected it until they no longer send them to me.
I dropped the articles databases except for one that holds the greatest benefit in backlinking to my own site.
So, I have to pay for my last conference of the year out of my own pocket, and I sometimes wonder if it was the right choice…but not for long.
I started working on my novel again, I have time to work on my MBA classes, I’m not so tired at my day job and I even watch Judge Judy again.
Last night I built a HUGE marble run with my grandson.
As Van on Reba said “LetItGo”
That was my answer – it worked for me.
Wow! It's like the Weary Writer could see right into my own life (um, 'cept for the 47 year old part... not there yet!) Here's my question for the lovely Lisa though, is it always right to give it up? Can you not have a little bit of cake and eat it too... or something like that? Ugh. Somehow I'm not ready to give mine up completely, even if I'm as weary as the old girl in the letter (oops, sorry 'bout the age crack!) I'm thrilled that you're gaining a granddaughter WW, my mom tells me it's the greatest blessing of her life. And I pray that this advice and direction gives you plenty of peace and refreshment <3
ReplyDeleteHi Di! No, I don't think it's always right to give it all up. In WW's case, she' keeping all the parts she loves. She's giving up the Melba Toast so she can have her cake and eat it, too. If you like a little Melba along with chocolate cake, by all means keep it, and work on making sure you include space for the priorities in your life.
ReplyDeleteWW just sounded completely done with Melba. And I've never used that word before, let alone three times at once.
WW, I feel your pain. I'm there too, just couldn't really put words to it until this letter. I haven't been at the freelance writing as long, nor have I seen such success, but the last job I did has worn me to the nub. NO work has been done (to my satisfaction anyway) on my novel, which is my baby, the beat of my heart.
ReplyDeletePerhaps, if you did - and that's a HUGE if - take up more writing projects, do ONLY those that call to you. I recently had the opportunity to write a press release for a pastor. THAT was fun. Writing tedious, repetitious, content - surprisingly - is a creativity sapper, exhausting, and laborious. I find myself dreading the keyboard, or WORSE my muse begins to talk and I can't answer because of the deadline.
I understand as a published-wanna-be we need to develop a presence, but WW there has to be a better way than neglecting those things important around us.
Sorry if I brought me into your coNUNdrum, you are just writing my story (and many others it seems).
I tend to be an all or nothing kind of gal, too. But whoever said you can't write Part-Time. Set yourself a limit, say 25 hours a week and only work that much...turn all else away. That gives you more time for writing what you want and your personal life, but also keeps your name in the "active" file of life so that you're not having to climb the ladder all over again when you're sorry you gave it all up.
ReplyDeleteSigh I'm teary eyed...
ReplyDeleteI don't write for pay, well I got paid twice for short stories, but anyway. I battled the "image" thing. All my writing friends were becoming rather prominent names among various popular online E-zines. I wanted to find my way into that avenue, but it didn't open up for me. I just didn't fit in among the E-zine crowd. I felt like I was working too hard to belong in a certain circle and not being myself. I can't seem to write devos (other than my bloggy thoughts), and that's what a lot of E-zines want. worse yet...I don't really read the E-zines *gasp* so I don't really fit that group.
All this to say (not meaning to be all about me here) you need to find what brings you joy. If you NEED the finances, sometimes you gotta do what you have to do until you can do what you want to do. But in your case, perhaps a gradual releasing of this area is the direction you should go.
Oh...and please be sure the priorities are correct for you own health: God and family should be first.
Seek Joy!
☆ Mari
(Still like my star, can ya'll tell?)
I can understand the weariness, especially when writing for a fee rather than for free.
ReplyDeleteAs writers, we need to weigh between writing for interest and writing for financial returns. We ought to consider seriously how much writing work we should take on or put off, rather than just give it all up. We need always to balance how we should live our lives as a writer without neglecting the more important or necessary things.
Personally, my thought would be to cut down on writing assignments that are too time consuming and recommend them to someone else who needs it more (whether we get paid for the recommendation or not). We should never stop writing, but we should write what we can and what interests us most, while keeping the spirit of merriment and satisfaction in our writings. Beyond that, however, we must always remember to put our loved ones first in giving to them the time they deserved from us, otherwise we may live to regret it in times to come.
Dear Weary Writer, may God bless you as you seek His will in knowing how you should apply the gift He has given you.
Just chiming in...I didn't write for a living or for much of anything else, for that matter,but I taught school, and giving that up was not an option. However, since getting old (hi Di!), I'm writing--what I want to write--and loving it. If you can afford to, stop the tedious writing and enjoy your family life (the new grandchild is pure joy)and write when and what you please.
ReplyDeleteI definitely find that editing and writing for pay take away time from my own creative writing, yet I'm so blessed that Weary Writer DID start that home business, took me under her wing and helped me get into it, also, because that was the only income I was getting....and looks like it might be again now. Anyway, all that to say I agree with Lisa--the work you've done so far has not been a waste in any way, but yes, maybe it's time to cut back or slow down now.
ReplyDeleteAs for me, I'm determined to do NaNoWriMo this year--for ME and MY writing! Who's with me?
Figured Red should probably add a couple cents' worth here. My heart goes out to WW and I surely to goodness understand. Looking back over my life, there have been times I've been pressed into a mold (circumstances will do that) which I never intended, which made me almost resent what I knew I should love doing. I was nearly forced to become someone or something that robbed me of the joy of doing it at will rather than by necessity.
ReplyDeleteListen, girl! You gotta keep your focus and trim off all the excess (if possible). Sure, there are seasons when the excess is necessary, but once those seasons pass, a good trimmin' is in order.
Don't grieve the time of trimmin' but look at it as a gift from God as He shines His holy spotlight on the precious gifts He's given you and grants you the grace to use them the way He intended--to bring you joy and to give Him glory.
Put that writing career on a diet; flush out the excess and firm up your goal and vision which makes you who you are at this stage of life.
And, whatever you do, girl, ENJOY THAT GRANDBABY! They grow up way too quickly. You blink your eyes and they're having children of their own.
Red lovesya and is prayin' fer ya!
I am going to weigh in on the other side of this - what on earth is your husband doing while you are working? Why does he expect you to cook and keep the house clean? Are you not partners?
ReplyDeleteI have been a freelance writer for mumble mumble years and my husband has stepped up admirably! I recently took a 12-month writing contract that requires me to be gone for 12-14 hours a day. Do you know that in the 2 months since i started the job I have not done any laundry, barely washed a dish and not mopped or vacuumed. My husband realised that cleaning, cooking, laundry etc is not 'woman's work' but work of the person who has the time, or is present. I think you should, instead of questioning whether you should continue with something you are passionate about, ask instead he is not being more supportive and pitching in - especially if your writing is paying the bills.
Hi Cori!
ReplyDeleteThanks for coming in with a different perspective. It's good to give an issue the old 360. And you, btw, are a blessed woman!