'Puter User Poses Plug-Pulling Pregunta!

Dear Lisa and Maddie,

It shames me to have to admit this but I am coming to you with a coNUNdrum about my love/hate relationship with facebook. I realize that this topic has been brought up before and for that, I truly apologize. However, I really do need some sound advice. I hope you and your readers can help.

I joined facebook for all the usual reasons: getting in touch with new friends, getting in touch with old friends, and getting in touch with my inner stalker.

Here’s where the love turns into hate. I hate that I feel guilty for responding to a post from a single guy as if I was somehow trying to assert my hotness on the poor creature when all I was doing was simply answering a question, dang it! I hate that I spend hours playing games when there is a half written paper on my desktop. I hate that out of all the friends I have, there is a whole bunch that I haven’t spoken to in person in years and/or have friended them simply because I knew them once upon a time and would feel guilty for cutting them loose. I hate that my broken brain gets its feelings hurt when someone doesn’t respond to a private message or a wall post. Then I have to go back to my Recovery from Abuse days and that’s a whole other can of worms we don’t need to open. I hate the time wasted on a virtual world when I should be investing more time in the real world. More than anything, I hate how much power this thing has in my life. It steals time away from God and family but it surrounds me with real people when I’m feeling crummy. It keeps me connected with friends and loved ones but it also distracts me from real obligations and responsibilities.

The logical response would be to simply tone it down right? Cut back my time on the facebook vortex and take a chill pill. I have two problems with this. One, cutting back is impossible because my medium and low speeds are broken. The other problem is that I’ve already told all my friends that I’m deactivating my account and pulling the plug.

I feel like a bad country song. I want leave but I hate to stay. What would you do?

--Afraid to pull the plug
(have you guessed who this is yet? :D)

Dear Afraid to Pull the Plug,

First--the part of your coNUNdrum dealing with your hotness and comments on status updates from the opposite sex are best left to another blog post--and we'd appreciate it if someone would write that in separately.

Second- there's no need for shame on our blog--only solutions.  You are certainly not the first Facebooker to raise a hand and say "My name is XXXX, and I have a problem."


But these declarations, which are made in a rash moment of guilt, are easily forgotten when you and your computer find yourselves alone together with the heat of battery pacts and mother boards to spur you on.


The point is, Afraid, it seems like you've written this letter in hopes that someone out there has a secret formula for kicking a Facebook habit. And THAT sounds more like a bad classic rock song. There is no quick fix. And darlin', here's some vintage Oswald Chambers: ooohhhh, baby, you've got some bootstraps that need pulling up.


In the last paragraph of your coNUNdrum you basically said that you are a powerless woman, shackled to the Interwebs. That, frankly, is ridiculous. Your "low and medium speeds" ARE NOT broken, you're just not using them.  That is the harsh truth.


If you feel like you need an initial purge from Facebook, take it. Go cold turkey. Adopt an I don't need to know attitude. Call a few local friends. Eventually though, let's be real—you're going to want to get back on that social horse. Then what, little cowgirl?


Get a timer, set it for 30 minutes. When the timer goes off, so does Facebook. After that you force yourself to work on writing for an hour. Then you reward yourself with a timed 15 minute Facebook break. After your writing and other obligations are finished, go OUT to a coffee shop and bring a book, paper and pen. Sit there for 90 minutes and delight your mind with the written (non-computer-screened) word, people watch, and jot down your observations thereof.

We  think you'll find that real-world stalking is always more gratifying than electronic. Engaging in the world head-on will also make you feel like you have more important things to worry about than people ignoring your status updates (which admittedly, cuts us to the core every time too.).


YOU are bigger than Facebook; YOU have more power than Facebook; and YOU control what you do with your time. Don't reverse those power roles.


And don't worry about what people will say when they see you on-line after you tossed them aside so callously. We are forgiving creatures each with our own track records of word-eating.


And no, there is no way to make this more fun.


Socialize on, soldier! Just do it with control and panache. 


XOXO
-Maddie and Lisa