Social Networker: The Sequel: The Wrath of Maddie

Readers, I'm sure you recall last Friday's coNUNdrum from that Funky Facebooker and all of Mom's browbeating advice thereafter.

I am going to address those issues again today.

But before I do, I'd like to first address the recent "Bimmy Toyle" incident and the fact that I was wrongly censored and my thoughts on the matter were not permitted to flow through the Interwebs and into your dear little eye sockets/minds/hearts.


The fact is, guys, that I am now writing to you with fettered fingers. Because of my "outlandish" insights on Bimmy's blog, I have been red-flagged by the powers that be, and if I even so much as mention his actual name it could mean bad, bad things for me. Dark things.

And since I have Aaron's well-being to consider, I'm going to have to stay on the good side of The Law for a little while and my opinions on Bimmy's workout gear will just have to die with me.

But Readers! Bimmy! I want you to know this: Those opinions...were hilarious.

I've also been instructed to take a more Pollyanna approach to my coNUNdrum solving in general, so you may notice a certain diluted quality to my normally pungent candor. But do not despair. For like the phoenix, we shall rise from the ashes and be more glorious than ever before!...
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Anyhoo, moving along, if you don't remember Facebooker's coNUNdrum detailia you can re-read it here.


Dear Facebooker.

I'm sorry, I just don't understand what the problem is.

I'm not sure why you break out in a cold sweat when someone writes on your wall, and ignorantly misspells your name, when it is CLEARLY plastered ALL OVER your page correctly.

I don't know why it bothers you that some people think that you really want to know about it every time they go to the gym, or their boyfriend is late calling them, or they had an unusual amount of bellybutton lint today.

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Honestly, I've been thinking about this for a while now, and the only solution that I can really come up with is this:

Bring back MySpace.

Since you're a relatively new member to Facebook, you probably don't remember the old days of MySpace, which pretty much only remains in existence because of its convenience for musicians.

Other than that, Myspace is kind of a ghost town, with the occasional tumbleweed rolling through.

Facebook took over a few years ago because the layout was cleaner, the 'status update' feature was HOT, and (most importantly, to my mind) in the beginning, Facebook was only available to college students.

This element of exclusivity naturally made it a forbidden fruit to all non-college individuals. So when the velvet ropes were finally pulled aside and the general population was allowed into this VIP social echelon, it was a free-for-all sign up freakout, and that is why Facebook is the madhouse we know and love today.

MySpace has tried to reformat a few times, tried to get slick, but they just can't seem to recapture their old glory.

So, Facebooker, I'd suggest creating a MySpace account and only inviting people whose Internet personalities you like to come with you. You can have a secret club and only say smart things and pretty things to each other. Consider it your sanctum where you can unwind from the idiocy of Facebook.

Of course, you'll have to be really good about keeping it under wraps because if word leaks out, you'll just be repeating history and there'll be an onslaught of people wanting to be in your club.

If you don't take this advice it's okay, but that's just what I think.

Cause let it be known, that Madeline Mikitarian is not as pushy as some OTHER Mikitarians on this blog.

Love to all.

XOXO
Maddie