Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Mother Worries About Mustang-Driving Dude

Dear Connecting Now,
The day our daughter was born we had "Father of the Bride" related nightmares. My husband swore she would be locked away until she was thirty. Today, she is a young woman beginning a new chapter in her life. 

Dating.

As a teenager she was uninterested in boys, so hubby didn’t bother with the security system. Now at nearly 19, her face brightens at the mention of “knight’s” name, and she giggles with delight when he assists her into his trusty steed (the mustang).

I know her well enough to be confident in her choices. However, this new factor in the equation—the guy—is an algebraic “unknown”. I do know him in part, but as my daughter’s—do you call him boyfriend these days?—focus of male attention, I haven’t any clue as to how or what to say in regards to relationship.

We have approved of him dating her and that’s NOT because his dad is a published author.

But what now? Please give this novice mom of a dating daughter some assistance.
Sincerely,
Mom


Dear Mom,

Fun stuff there!  (I, Lisa, was thinking scary)

Fortunately, we think your role in this stage of your daughter's life is pretty simple (it's never simple!) and conventional:  be there whenever she wants to talk to you.  (Which will most likely be at three a.m.)

Since the first official boyfriend--and yes, that's what they're usually called, IS a pretty big milestone in a gal's life, we understand how a Mama's first inclination is to make herself an infrastructure of assistance and guidance. (What are you insinuating?)

But, seeing as Baby Girl is almost 19, the reality is that the foundation has been set, and it seems like you've done a great job. (Perhaps like someone else we know?)  You have a good relationship with your daughter, and she's got a good head on her shoulders. (Like someone whose name rhymes with Laddie.) So we wouldn't sweat it. (That's easy for you to say.) We'd just kick back and enjoy watching her at this phase. (Oh sure—kick back). Smile when he brings her flowers and be mellow when they have problems. ("Mellow" can sometimes be disguised as "panic".)

Of course a little prayer never hurt (understatement runs in the family), and you can invite the young man over for dinner to get to know him more. (Hopefully he won't be a vegetarian.) But at this point your job is done. (It's NEVER done.) The job being that you raised a competent girl.  And it seems you have—after all, she picked a guy with an author dad and a sweet ride! (True Dat!) This girl knows what's up!

Don't get yourself in a tizzy. (Go ahead and indulge in tizzies now and then.)

Everything's awesome!  (It is?)
Readers! Any thoughts?

Love,
Maddie and (Lisa)

13 comments:

  1. I just need to say that I enjoyed the orange MUCH better than the black. MUCH. (But I still love ya, Madi!)

    Great advice as always :)

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  2. I would like Maddies to tuck this post away and re-read it when her daughter (or son, even!) starts dating.

    It's NEVER over. :)

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  4. in my own little world ... and I like itJune 28, 2011 at 12:25 PM

    My daughter has not turned 24.
    She has not dated.
    She has not married.
    She is still the little 5 year old, running up to me in the sunshine, wearing a checkered and strawberry print dress and throwing her arms around my neck saying "swing me, Daddy"!

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  5. Wise, wise words MikChiks (even the slightly panicky, eye-rolling orange ones ;) ) Fun stuff indeed.

    You've approved, now love. And yah, kick back a little. It's bound to be an exciting ride ;)

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  6. My daughter will never date because only Jesus would be acceptable for her and I would question him regardinbg His parents.

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  7. I think the dads make the moms look reasonable...

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  8. Have no fear, I'm not tizzying much. Just enough. lol. I am having fun watching her act so . . . um . . . help me, what IS the word? LOL

    I have met the parents and one of "knight's" sisters. One sister is in WA somewhere tending to her three children. :) We spent the evening watching fireworks (Sunday 6/26). Lovely, godly people.

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  9. Hey, I live in WA somewhere...

    I am a mix of the black and orange. Been there, done that: Laughed, sighed, cried, prayed, watched things not turn out all sparkles and butterflies. but at the end of the day... it is her life. Just be there prepared for the good, bad, and ugly and pray for more good than anything else.

    Side note:
    Perhaps the daddy's are over protective because they know from experience that their dates fathers should have been worried. Seriously, what goes around does often come around...and surely your *ahem* sins will find you out. Be honest about past mistakes so your kids can learn from them.

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  10. As a youth pastor, I counsel parents all the time about their youngsters and their love interests. The key? Instill in them a Godly foundation, and commit the kids to the hands of their Heavenly Father. Now, if only I can take my own advice in about 8 years when my firstborn may start the dating adventure....

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  11. Honestly, I'm less worried about her than I am about me. She and I have been as close to best friends as a mother and daughter can get, and now I'm faced with my role in all this. It's all so new to me.

    Excited for her.

    Sad for me.

    Excited for her future.

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  12. Anon Mom--don't be sad. Eventually you'll add a son-in-law to the mix--and you won't feel like you've lost anything at all. Or she'll never get married and you'll be where you are now--either way, it's going to be good:).

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  13. One good thing about your daughter falling in love, getting married, and having children is that she'll finally understand how you can love her so much. . .and why sometimes she makes you want to tear your hair out! As for Dad, she'll always be his little girl.
    Mik Chiks rule!

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