Accountability Partnering: To Tread or To Tromp?

Dear MikChiks,

I was approached a year ago or so to be an 'accountability partner' to someone in our small group who has had some ongoing issues.  At the time I didn't know what an accountability partner was supposed to do, but I agreed to serve in that function anyway. 

As I've discovered, the AP is privy to all issues with their partner, and is expected to listen and provide feedback when issues come up, and also check in with the AP from time to time on those issues and how they're dealing with them.

The coNUNdrum: how much AP is too much?  Do I wait for them to approach me, do I regularly check in and risk being seen as too nosy or intrusive?  DO I make dates with the AP to see how they're doing with life?  I just don't know, and would like to step up my service in this area because a 1-on-1 meeting with the AP a couple of weeks ago indicated the AP is still struggling.

If you have any experience in these matters, or similar, I'd appreciate your feedback on how to be a good partner for someone in need.

Thanks!

AP1

Dear AP1,

First we applaud you for not knowing what the heck an AP was yet jumping in anyway.  We love that kind of blind faith that everything will work out in spite of ignorance.

Second, there was a moment when one of us, who shall (not) remain nameless (Lisa) thought you were talking about her, as she had asked you for some writing accountability a while back.  And whereas some people have every illness someone else describes, Lisa's prone to imagine that she's guilty of every shortcoming ever mentioned. 

In the end, though, we've decided that you were not talking about Lisa.

On to the coNUNdrum—as you so lovingly spelled it.  Different people have different needs when it comes to an AP.  Some need the "Jillian Michaels/Biggest Loser" approach, others need a softer touch.  And notice we said "need" and not "want." 

Sometimes what we need is not what we want.

Our suggestion is to meet with your AP (now that you've been in the position for a while), and review.  We like the military's AAR—After Action Review.  It asks three basic questions.

1.     What's going right? (with the way I'm being an AP to you)

2.    What's going wrong?

3.    What can I/we change to be more effective?

Conversate about past issues to ascertain the kind of support that has and hasn't helped AP2 before you came along.  Incorporate some of that, but don't be afraid to veer into new/creative territory.  Most people would not be upset by someone who is making a genuine effort on their behalf.  More APs probably err on the side of not doing enough, than of doing too much.

You can rest assured that if you accidentally step on AP2s toes (say that five times fast), that you will know it—and can then back off. 

Though sometimes it's in the toe-stepping where real progress happens. 

This is a coNUNdrum where prayer for Guidance NEVER hurts.

What Say Ye, Conversating Readers???

Mucho Amor,

Maddie and Lisa