Vacations AND Extended Family...need we say more?

Dear Mik Chicks,
Family vacations are quite the big deal in our house. Members of the extended family are often invited and quite a few vacations have been enjoyed with in-laws, grandparents, siblings, etc. But now a major vacation is being planned. Like an overseas, potentially-once-in-a-lifetime vacation. Here is the conundrum. Certain family members have been involved in the planning. The destination was chosen based on the needs and desires of extended family. Now it seems that other family members are asking if they can come.

How many is too many? How do we close the door on tag-alongs without hurt feelings? Should family members really vacation together? Or will we end up playing out the plot of a Ben Stiller movie? Help,
Nervous

Dear Nervous,

We feel for you. Family vacation planning is always complicated. If you don’t tread lightly, they can be the breeding grounds for future grudges and gripes.  And sometimes all it takes is ONE uncooperative person.

Case in Point (which you may skip if you don't want anecdotal Heidenstecker background info) (and who really does?) (Real Advice is below):  in 2006 when Lisa and I (Maddie) made the trek to visit the recently-mentioned German family, there dwelled Vacation Hot Water and we dove in—head first.  We landed in Dusseldorf (exhausted), and were taken to a Certain Tante's house where she had a delicious meal waiting for us. As we sat down, we couldn’t help but notice the nervous twitch in this Tante's eye. But we ignored it, as we were pretty hungry.  (And exhausted.)

I (Maddie) sat, stuffing my face mit Kartoffels as Mom and Tante chatted it up. My German is horribly, horribly broken, so I was mostly going off body language and inflection. Soon this Tante was sitting rigid as a board and zeroing in on Lisa with laser-grade intensity.

Mom's body language consisted of bursting into tears and bolting for the Badezimmer.

This Tante shrugged and smiled at me. “Mochtest du mehr Kartoffeln?”

Onkel  P. (Did I mention he was there? No? Probably because he didn’t say much or do much—just passed me the Kartoffeln whether I Mochtested them or not.) made dull eye contact with me for five solid seconds. No words. We didn’t need them. It was some hardcore familial bonding that transcended time and language.

Apparently, the Tante in Question was irritated because we did not have a clear enough plan as to what days we’d be staying with what relatives. Lisa had neglected to plan the trip Germanly enough.

In the end all was good, but we learned this lesson when it comes to extended family:

Plan those vacations. Plan them up right. (some extended family may be optional)

Now for the Real Advice…

We at Connecting Now tend to be inclusive rather than exclusive.  We hate to put an arbitrary number on how many is too many.   . . . and some crowds are Just Splendid!  But again, some family may be optional . . . So, Nervous, with that in mind:

Tell your extraneous extended fam that you’ve already set up an itinerary. Give them your flight and hotel information and tell them that if they want to get on board, they’re welcome to. Be polite but clear that you have a definite plan in place, and while you’re not stopping them from coming, you’re also not going to change your trip on their behalf.

If they are willing to do the legwork and not force you to be the team captain for the entire crew, then only the people who really want to go will end up doing so, and nobody can say that you didn’t invite them. Chances are that if each extra person is in charge of planning, booking and financing everything for themselves, your numbers are going to be fairly low—and hopefully it will be the right relatives—the ones who are easy-going enough so you can actually enjoy the Adventures of a Lifetime—even if it resembles a Ben Stiller movie.

Because that's what we hope for you!

Vacationing Readers!
How do you avoid family vacation disasters?  What would you suggest to Nervous?
Anxiously Awaiting Your Replies,
Maddie and Lisa

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