Hip Sister Needs to Make a Delivery

Dear MikChicks,

When I was nine, I had major hip surgery because my hips were out of the sockets, and had been that way for some time, but not since birth.... Long story, but I'd love to share it with any of your readers who don't already know and figured out who I am.

A few years ago, a young girl in my church (We'll call her Sarah), who was also nine at the time, had the same problem, and a similar surgery, done by the same surgeon, even! My family was able to minister to her family as they went through the same situation we did years ago. Now tell me that wasn't a God thing that we ended up at the same church?

Anyway, I've been having hip pain for awhile now, and have found out that I will have to have hip replacement surgery sooner rather than later, though no official time line has been given.

I've been reluctant to share this newest uh... development? with many people at my church, because I first want to tell Sarah and her family, as I think it's appropriate that they find out directly from me, and not from the church wide prayer list/e-mail. But I want to wait as long as possible to tell them, because I don't want them to worry that Sarah's future will be the same as mine. She's 13 now.  My mom has pointed out to me that her situation was slightly different than mine, and that medical technology has made huge strives between my surgery and hers. But I figure if I am worried about it, her family will be even more so.

So my conundrum is this... When and how should I tell them? I actually don't see them in church much, mostly because we just don't run into each other on Sunday morning, as we have different areas of ministry and attend different services. This isn't exactly a "pull them aside in church" issue either.

So... how do I approach this? I feel the need/desire to be more open about my situation with my church family. I think it's evident I'm having some issues, but people are kind enough not to ask me what's wrong, or at least don't want to seem nosy. Oh, and we really aren't all that close as families. So it would probably come off more than a bit odd if I asked them to dinner or lunch or something like that. Any advice?

Signed,

Hip Sister

Dear Hip Sister,

We're hip to what you're putting down. (So funny, right?)

Maybe not.

Okay, let's take a deep breath. You have spent a lot of time thinking about this, and perhaps over-analyzing has been your undoing. It seems like this stress has led you to assume a lot of things on Sarah's behalf that may or may not be true.

This will be okay.

If you don't want to invite Sarah or her family to lunch, and chatting in church is too heavy, we suggest writing an email—it's safer than a phone call where words can get all jumbled.

Don't make the tone of your email an apologetic, "I'm sorry to burden you with this because clearly it spells doom for you in the future." Most people with major physical challenges are aware that they are in these battles for the long haul to some degree. Keep a positive and hopeful outlook in your correspondence (and speech).

We'd make it more of a prayer request. Something along the lines of:

"I'm writing to you because I find myself in need of prayer, and yours in particular would mean a lot to me."

Instead of worrying about all the hypothetical situations that could arise, focus on the facts:

-You are in a tough place, but hopeful.

-You need prayer.

-You are blessed to be in a community where not only your faith is shared, but so are your specific experiences.

This type of message enables Sarah to help you in a way that you once helped her--something she is probably happy to do. It also shows her that even if she does need more surgery down the road, it's not the end of the world.

If you feel that Sarah is too young to approach, email her mom—that might actually be better regardless. Mom will likely know the best way to reach out to Sarah with the news.

And don't forget, Hip-Sister, it's your turn to get the most advanced technology available!  For that we are excited.  But still you have our prayers for the difficulties that lay ahead—now go forth and get some support from your church family!

What say the Readers???

With Much Love,

Maddie and Lisa