This Reader's Been Horsin' 'Round!

Dear MikChiks,

In housecleaning this week, I’ve come across several conundrums, such as three trash bags full of the stuffed animal collection belonging to my brother and me. I cried as I said goodbye to each by name. (Okay, so a third of them are staying for now…until we get our family museum built)

I haven’t tackled my bedroom yet, because I know what awaits me. Not the least of which is a large box full of ribbons from my 4-H days. What can I say? I went to a lot of competitions. I can’t help that I placed in four individual categories and four team categories with my rocking ‘mates at the Fort Worth Livestock Show and Rodeo Horse Judging competition. Among others.

But that was seven years ago.

Now the beautiful rosettes lay fading in a cardboard box. But how can I throw them out? But how can I keep them? Clutter is eating me alive in my bedroom, but I’m attached to it. Too much of good memories and pride?

Sincerely,

Retired 4-H Horse Judging Champ

Dear Champ,

As you may know, we at Connecting Now are not clutter-bugs at all. We are ruthless with our sentimentality.

However, we also have a lot of respect for creative problem solving. In light of this, we've done some research for you. We're sure that many of your fellow equestrians have "walls of fame" where they display their winnings proudly. You can even make such a wall look totally shabby chic, like this:

<--------------------

Adorable, no?

But why try to be Martha when you could be Awesome?

Why not take your two loves, stuffed animals and ribbons, and combine them into this little gem? -------------->

That's right you should get to work on making a stuffed horse out of your horse show ribbons! This works on so many levels! When you are done, don't put him in the bedroom, display him proudly on your coffee table! Think of the conversations this lil guy will spark!

If sewing isn't your bag, we know of an extraordinary animal seamstress—not to be confused with a taxidermist.  Or you could go back to the "Wall of Fame" suggestion—conventional, but less time/money-intensive. 

To do it right, though, sort through your ribbons and pick the ones that mean the most to you. We suggest tossing most of the team categories, since everyone knows that team sports are a lie from the government designed to let the weak ride the coattails of the strong and get a false sense of the feel-gooderies. Case and Point: the UN.

Or maybe not.  Case and Point:  Cricket.  Also played with horses.

But anyway, we hope this helps, and we know that The Readers will have some great ideas for you.  When you're finished, we want pictures!!!

All in Goodwill,

Maddie and Lisa

P.S.  The next stop on Rita's Her Safari Blog Tour is a wild ride over at Mari's!  Her title gave me a caffeine-like jolt!   And here's an article about the book and HGIM by our Hanne M. for Off The Grid.

The Dating Website Debacle of '09

Dear, Mik Chiks,

About your advice to Mystery Woman on yesterday’s conundrum--and I quote:  Just be sure you don't accidentally get sucked into a dating website under a false name and photo. That doesn't end well. Guess how we know.

A couple of Anonymous Husbands with inquiring minds  feel that an explanation is in order.

Dear Anonymous Husbands with inquiring minds but limited memories.  We were referring to the time we helped a doctor friend of ours find a suitor on e-Harmony an un-named dating website.  She had very little time, so we wrote up a profile, posted one of our pics (which resembled hers) and then screened the inquiries.  And lo and behold, we found a suitable match!—an oncologist no less!  But he became a little indignant when we disclosed that it hadn't been her picture or her words in the profile or in the initial back and forth contact.

We explained the situation and humbly and profusely apologized.  He accepted, and a date for a date was set.

But then our Doctor friend did some digging on this oncologist who she'd never heard of and who lived within 50 miles of her.  Turns out he wasn't an oncologist but a radiologist. 

He never apologized.

And we decided that posing as someone else on a dating site is stupid—and all too common.

And Lord knows, we never want to be common.

Anonymous Husbands, we hope this is ringing some bells.

If not, we know of a good doctor—and a lying radiologist.

Love,

Lisa and Maddie 

Fun With Font and Mystery Woman Day

Courtesy of Dr. Neil!

Dear Lisa and Maddie,

I have not been able to successfully add my name to commenting on your blog. Here is my dilemma: I am not ready to create a blog (time constraints), and I am not comfortable with divulging all my info, pic, and whereabouts to the world (except on Facebook and Scribd). Consequently, I am restricted by Google from using the name I have on my Google account and must forever appear as “Anonymous.” The trend in this socially conscious world is to link and connect, I realize, but I prefer a moderate amount of control. What say ye to that, Sages of the Valley?

Woman of Mystery

Dear Mysterious Woman,

We certainly understand the inclination to keep yourself off the radar. It's disconcerting how easy it is for personal info to get posted and on the interwebs forever.

However it does seem as if this conundrum is without a pleasing alternative. When all is said and done, you either need to reconcile yourself to anonymity or bite the bullet and give the powers that be a little bit of what they want. As far as we know, technologically, there's no magic middle option that will give you the best of both worlds.

But all is not lost.

If you decide to go ahead and give Google some info, there's really nothing stopping you from giving out fake info. Change your name, put up a picture of a LOLcat, like this one.

<--------------------

It's sure to brighten someone's day.

Just be sure you don't accidentally get sucked into a dating website under a false name and photo. That doesn't end well. Guess how we know.  But that's another story.

For now Mysterious Lady, realize that if you are on Facebook, then you have exposed some of who you are to the world already.  As far as blogging goes, if we had a chance to do it all over, we'd probably avoid bringing family member names into this mess.  

But it's too late.  Sorry, Aaron and Sam and et al.  

What do you think, Readers?  

We've got a great week lined up for you.  And if you're following Rita's Blog Tour of Her Safari, the next stop is HERE, where we learn who "discovered" Lisa.  And to think, Mr. Mikitarian has taken credit for that all these years.

XOXO

Maddie and Lisa

P.S. how do you like this font?

P.S.S. I think the consensus is that both adult deserving Matts win.  Jason may have already accidentally missigned another copy of Recovering Charles.  So Roadkills and Sally--we need both addresses.  Thanks for bringing these men to our attention.  May the Lord bless them and their families.  Especially the wife with the two broken ankles.

Desperately Seeking Any Matthew!

Matthew, AKA Jack from LOST

Dear MikChiks:

I have a conundrum, and by conundrum I mean a Mattundrum.

You should know that I suffer from self-diagnosed but overseas-doctor-internet-confirmed adult deficit (who was I emailing again?) disorder. I often forget times, names, dates and my nation of origin.

I write books for a living because seeing my name on the front of the book constantly reminds me that I write books for a living. Sometimes people ask me to autograph one of the books I wrote for a living (did I mention I'm a writer?) and they politely tell me their name.

Because I suffer from that disorder I mentioned earlier, I occasionally botch this autographing process. 

It works like this: I hear their name, shake their hand and proceed to sign the book to some other person. I can usually tell I've made a mistake by the thump the book makes over the top of my head when they assault me with it. After all, what kind of writer (did I mention I write books for a living?) hears a name and forgets it 17 seconds later?

On to the Mattundrum. Recently, and by recently I have no idea how long it's been, I signed a book to someone named Matthew. I can't recall what the person's actual name was, but it was likely something similar, like Burrito. I apologized for being spacey, signed another one and kept the mistake for myself. I've been staring at it for some unremembered period of time.

What do I do? Donate it to a library? Mail it to the guy that used to be on LOST? What was his name?

I anxiously await your advice,

Spaceman

Dear Spaceman-Writer-Guy,

You had us at LOST—which unfortunately was 267 words into your 277-word Mattundrum—but who's counting?

We feel certain that we can help you find a deserving Matthew—not that we know one.  But Our Readers know people who know people.  And by people, we mean people.

So Readers, we're asking you for help in our Matthew Search.  He will  receive a free copy of Recovering Charles, autographed by New York Times Bestselling Spaceman on 8/29/2011.  If Multiple Matthews are found, we can do a drawing—by name.  The book, btw, is a fabulous Father and Son story set against the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

That's about it, Readers, though we have a few announcements.

• 1.     Jan Ackerson at One Hundred Words is running a One Hundred Dollars CONTEST.  Go check it out for your chance to cash in!  When she holds a contest, she doesn't mess around.  The deadline's been extended, btw--you have a few more days.

• 2.    We REALLY appreciated the input to our divorce conundrum.  Good stuff there.  And it was good to hear from Mr. Shafee again!  Also, Here is a LINK to one of the best national marriage seminars around.  No matter how good or bad your marriage is, it never hurts to do some assessment work.

• 3.    And lastly, HERE is the schedule to Rita's Her Safari Blog Tour. Hopefully, at each stop, you'll learn something new and have a chance for a Java Gift Card. 

May you all have a terrific weekend—and don't forget to show some love to those in your world.

Much Love,

Maddie and Lisa

Can Reader Get Thumbs-Up For Divorce?

Klimt's The Kiss.  Should One Become Two Again?

Wednesday Greetings!

Regarding the last conundrum and a couple of the comments: we agree that a woman should be the kind of wife that keeps her husband's eyes from roaming—YET, when she does not, it doesn't negate the commandment of love and faithfulness nor alleviate the husband's duty to keep it.

That's rough.

We're really glad we're not men.

Now back to the conundrum and its part deux.

Dear MikChiks,

Why does God make so many beautiful women and puts us with only one?  Not only that, the one we are with isn’t even remotely like us.  So debate this.  Can a second marriage ever be the answer with someone who shares more goals and interests and is more loving?  Just curious about that. 

No names.

Dear Miserable Husband,

Our hearts go out to you—truly.  Marriage can make or break our earthly happiness.  We get that.  And when the union's miserable it can feel like every one of those fifty years is spent  waiting in front of a microwave—shoot us now.

In our sympathy for you, we tried to get an interview with King Henry VIII for some pointers—but he was indisposed.

Regardless, we're pretty sure you know what we're going to say.  Marriage is a covenant.  Just like the one between Christ and His church.  Do our goals and interests at times run counter to His?  Yup.  Could He wish for us to be more loving?   Absolutely. Thank God, that His faithfulness is steadfast and sure.

A second marriage is an answer, but it isn't the right answer. The very best thing that you can do is treat her in such a way that she becomes more lovable.  Every action, every word can draw you closer together or rip you further apart. 

She is your lifemate.  Loving her is a choice you make each moment. We go into marriage with hopes and expectations, when those fall apart, we have to regroup.  But you'd be surprised how a shift in your attitude can bring about a shift in hers.  But you can't be self-serving.  Your motivation has to come from a place of pure unselfish love—the kind Christ has for us. That's what you should extend to her—whether it's returned or not, whether it softens her or not.  It is your calling.  And in the process it will make you a better man.

God just didn't provide much wiggle room on the question of divorce.  The only place we've found in the Bible where it's given the green light is in cases of infidelity.  But as one reader reminded us, abuse is a horrific break of marital trust.  

It gives us comfort to know that even when we act outside of His will, He uses it to mold us, perfect us, and conform us to His image.  We have friends/family who've weathered divorce and are doing well—thriving even.  We are continually grateful for the Grace extended by a Loving Father to us—his flawed flock.

But that's not a free pass.

Earthly life is long.

Eternity is longer.

You have our prayers.

What say Ye Readers?

All in Goodwill,

Maddie and Lisa

MikChiks Land Exclusive Interview!

Happy Monday, Readers!

We've got a two-pronged conundrum for you coming from a married man.  We'll feature the first part of it today and the second part on Wednesday.

Part 1:

Dear MikChiks,

Why does God make so many beautiful women and puts us with only one?

It's a legit question.

We thought about this for a while, and decided we'd take this one directly to the Man Upstairs. Unfortunately, God was unavailable as He was busy watching the Emmy's--He Tivo-ed it last night (Fun tip about dealing with God: do not tell Him any spoilers. It irritates Him. But no long-term worries, hair grows back fast.)

However, we at Connecting Now take our readers very seriously, and so we did not come back empty handed. If God was unavailable for comment, we found the next best guy for the job: Solomon. Here are some excerpts from our interview:

M&L: Hello, Solomon. Thanks so much for taking the time to talk to us today.

Solomon: No problem, ladies. Every year it's like clockwork, He gets so invested in Emmy hype. We're all bracing ourselves for when He finds out that Steve Carell got snubbed again. He's going to pitch a fit—wait, you didn't spoil it for Him, did you?

Uh. No, of course not. Now, let's get down to business.

Excellent.

Now Solomon, we know that you have a somewhat "colorful" past regarding the ladies.

True.

Care to expand on that?

Well, I mean, what do you want me to say here? I liked the ladies. Liked a lot of them. A lot. A lot.

Would you say that the fact that there is a wide range of feminine beauty contributed to your promiscuity?

I'd say that the fact that I was a red-blooded male with too much time on my hands caused my eyes to wander. The fact that there are endless unique options for feminine beauty only fueled the fire.

So you're pretty clear on this chicken/egg dilemma?

On this one, yes. You find what you're looking for, you know? If you're in a place where you're discontented with something in your life, and your drug of choice is pretty girls, then it's not hard to be absolutely dazzled by every single one you see. Each one seems better than the last, and you don't want to stop looking because the theory is that if you look long enough you'll find the Pinnacle of the Best. Of course that's a myth. It's not hard for a man to get completely lost in this world of comparison and fantasy. It happens quicker than you'd think.

Wow, so how can guys avoid this cycle?

Guys need to realize that God is not trying to hurt us by only giving us one woman. He's actually saving us. By eliminating the option for multiple partners, God gives men half a chance at earthly sanity. Guys like to think they have control, but the truth is that women are variables that can either make or break a man's life and reputation. You know the whole: the man is the head of the house, but the woman is the neck analogy?

Yes, we saw My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

Right, well it's totally true. If you know that you only have one shot at picking a mate, you're going to think much more carefully about who you choose. You can't afford to get caught up in the craziness of looking at thousands of gorgeous girls. You're required to focus your mind and heart, and pray for guidance. One bad woman in your life is bad enough, but when you've got a bunch of bad women it's easy for things to go insane. Case and point: my whole brothel experiment.

Yes, that was a doozy.

Quite. So then after you do get married, guys need to train themselves to stay focused on their wives and not allow their hearts or eyes to look elsewhere. Not even for a minute. Your wife can tell when you're not looking at her anymore. Even if it's fleeting. And she'll respond accordingly.

So would you say that at some point a guy needs to just "settle" on someone that's good enough?

That's a terrible way to phrase it. No, that's not it at all. If your motivations are pure and you honestly want to be spiritually fulfilled by and continuously attracted to your wife, you're not going to look at it that way.

You're going to revel in the joy that comes with the knowledge that there is a woman on this planet who has promised God that you are the only man she will ever love. That's deep stuff, and a man who can forget the depth of that promise and cheapen its meaning will never find fulfillment in the shallow beauty of other women.

That IS deep, Sol.

I know, right?

After this, the conversation somehow rabbit-trailed and we ended up talking about auditing classes at the local community college. But that's a conundrum for another day.

Readers!

What can you add to Solomon's advice?

All in Goodwill—even the part about God Tivo-ing the Emmy's—we all know it's a different set of stars that hold His interest—and there are no spoilers when One is omniscient.  Praying no lightning bolts come down—no matter how fast hair grows back—

Lisa and Maddie

Partnership Made in Heaven

Good Friday, Readers!

You may have noticed this new button on our sidebar.  It's there because we've partnered Her Safari with Heart of God Ministries--an incredible non-profit organization. 

Here is their mission:

By networking ministries with like passion and mission, Heart of God International Ministries (HGIM) was formed to fulfill the Lord’s commission to every believer …

1. To “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature” (Mark 16:15);
2. To be a demonstration of love, mercy, and compassion to all nations, people groups, languages, and beliefs;
3. To offer humanitarian relief and assistance in the time of disaster, calamity, and/or war to all people regardless of race, nationality, religious preferences, age, or gender;
4. To expand the global Body through the planting of new churches and assemblies and ongoing discipleship;
5. To encourage unity in the Body of Christ breaking down denominational barriers so the emphasis on our corporate commission of being the hands and feet of Jesus Christ will effectively communicate the Gospel; and
6. To enable the precious and sacred gifts bestowed on mankind through faith in Christ so the full benefit of God-given talents can be utilized for the expansion and strengthening of His kingdom on earth.
7. To honor God by representing Him in all things as we fulfill His mandate to all believers so He alone might be glorified throughout the earth.

We love all seven points, but, especially 2, 3 and 5—as so much of what goes wrong among followers of Christ centers there.

So what does this mean?  When Her Safari is purchased on behalf of HGIM (there's a special box to click on at the Publisher's Website), the ministry will receive 30% of the list price.  You all probably don't need books now, but perhaps at Christmas—we'll put out a reminder then.

 Also, if you have a non-profit that would like to use Her Safari to raise money, please let us know.  We'd rather proceeds go to help specific people than to help big-box-book-store distributors. You won't find the book there, btw, though it will be available on Amazon shortly.

We suppose that's it for now.  Next week we'll bring you one of the shortest conundrums we've received—yet it's so packed with marriage layered-ness that we're going to answer it in two parts.

In the meantime, be good to those you love.  And those you don't love, too.

All in Goodwill,

Lisa and Maddie

The Skinny on Thin Mint

Hello Readers,

In addition to our conundrum, today we'd like to give a shout out to Dear Reader, Dr. Rita, who is graciously ramping up a blog tour for Lisa's book, Her Safari. Check out her blog, Reflections with Dr. Rita for a gander at Lisa stuck with one leg up on a wall. Lovely. Also, now that we have two Docs in the readership, we thought we'd branch out and look for a lawyer—we're thinking that could come in handy someday.

Onto our conundrum of the day:

Dear MikChiks:

In our culture it is considered rude and inappropriate to comment on an overweight person's weight. However, as a skinny gal, people don't hesitate to make comments about mine. This usually occurs around food, unfortunately most often at church, and by people in their 40s and older (I'm in my late 20s).

I've asked my other thin friends, and they experience the same thing. Hello, double standard! What most people don't realize is that I've battled body image issues just like every other woman I know. I like the way I look, I work hard to maintain it, and I do not want to "put more meat on my bones." I don't appreciate attention being drawn to my weight or my food choices. How would you recommend that I respond to such comments?

Sincerely,
Thin Mint

Dear Thin Mint,

In adherence to this double standard, we must confess, our first reaction was kind of along the lines of "cry me a river". I, Maddie, dream of the day that someone out there tells me I need to put meat on my bones. What I get is people who slightly wince as they ask "Are you really gonna finish that?" or "Wow, it's amazing how few pauses for breath you needed as you destroyed that milkshake." or "Hey! That Happy Meal was for my kid, you freak!" etc.

But after we thought about it for more than two seconds, we realized that if we closed our eyes and imagined what it's like to be skinny, and to have the peanut gallery chiming in on it, it might get annoying.

When dealing with these comments, it's best to consider the perp's background. The reason these older women are giving you a hard time could be because back in the day, a gal needed extra bulk to do everyday things like building barns, slaughtering bison, dog-sledding the tundra, and keeping her 16 kids in line. These ladies have lived survival-of-the-fittest could just be looking out for you.

Also they might be jealous.

It's difficult to tell which women fall into which categories. So here is a foolproof way to find out. When she says: "You need to put meat on your bones" counter with "Can you teach me how to churn butter?" If she says yes, then you can bet that this woman is a winner. Obviously, she's been around the block and knows what's best for you. You should churn butter and then give her the satisfaction of watching you eat it and add to your waistline.

If she says no, then forget her. This woman is an Envious Enid. She can't deliver on the goods, and has no motivation other than to see you as miserable as she is. Don't feel pressured to entertain her anymore.

But seriously, Mint, we feel you. Things like "real women have curves" may be nice to hear for girls like me, but it's ridiculous that any one body type constitutes "real" womanhood. We're all purty.

When people comment on your physique, shrug. Be self-deprecating. Say things like "I am what I am" with an innocent shrug. Just let it roll. Like you said, you've worked hard and you're in the rare position of actually being pleased with your body. Focus on how happy you are and have some compassion on the rest of us.

Readers!

How would you help Thin Mint?

Love Always,

Maddie and Lisa

Lurker Located!!!!

Dear Readers,

 Just when hope was being carried away with the September breeze and foolishness was beginning to set into our bones, the unforeseen occurred--A Lurker Came Forward!  And a lovely one at that!  

Welcome Melody-Mae!!! 

And we give you our word that we did not go out and lasso her--albeit she hadn't been a Long and Lengthy Lurker--maybe only minutes--but we don't believe there is a time requirement when it comes to this clandestine activity.

Melody-Mae is a wife, mother, grandmother, child of God, and a lover of all things vintage!  She writes a ultra-charming blog which can be found HERE.  I'm sure she'd welcome you there with loads of retro hospitality.

So Readers, let's welcome her into our fold!  And if there's anyone else out there, it's not too late to say:  Hi, my name is _______, and I'm a lovely/manly lurker.

Our work is done here.

XOXO

Maddie and Lisa

Woman in Blue--Fascinates!

Woman in Blue, Picasso

Good Monday Morning, Readers!
Well, apparently we were completely off the mark with our last post.  Do we feel foolish?  Perhaps, but we'll never tell.  On to a week of interesting letters!  We hope you all have a productive and stress free week!

Dear MikChiks,

Our church was having a big yard sale in my long driveway one Saturday so everything was set up on tables the night before and covered with tarps.

Around 10 pm Friday evening after everyone had left, a new neighbor appeared at our door with her 7-year -old son in tow. She had her hair up in curlers, wore an old blue chenille bath robe and was barefooted.

"Ma'm, my son came over here after dark tonight and took some things that he shouldn't have.  I just finished beatin' the heck outta him.  He wants to apologize and give them back to you."

I thanked them both, explained that the items didn't belong to me but to our church and the proceeds from the sale would help send a young missionary couple to Africa to tell others about Jesus.  I shook their hands, then returned the small items to the table and covered them.

The little boy watched me, then said, "But my mom said if I brought them back, you'd probably give them to me anyway!"

What should I have done? Was it time for correction or compassion?

(Sign me): "Worried that I did the wrong thing."

Dear Worried,

You didn't do the wrong thing—even if those items had been yours to give, even if you paid for those items yourself—it is right to return something you've taken/make restitution.  And that's the end. Period.

No, this conundrum is on the mother—who is an utterly fascinating character.  She obviously has some sense of right and wrong.  She makes the trek to your door because it's the right thing to do, regardless of the time of night, her personal appearance, or the comfort of her feet  Maybe she's oblivious to decorum; maybe her feet are calloused and feel nothing;  maybe you have an ultra smooth driveway. Or maybe she's in need of a clock or slippers or shoes or a mirror.  Or all of them!

Regardless, she makes the move to do the right thing.

On the other hand, "beatin' the heck outta him" and then motivating her son to return the items with the bait/consolation that he'll probably get to keep the items anyway, is COMPLETELY incongruent with doing the right thing.

Fascinating.

No, what you did was right, Worried.  But might we suggest that you now take the opportunity to reach out to this mother and son?  They're new in the neighborhood which makes reaching out less awkward.  Pies can be the precursors to miracles. 

And perhaps you could find some bona fide work for the boy to do that would help him purchase items like the ones he took.  This boy needs correct positive reinforcement.  If he doesn't get it, he could wind up concluding that doing the right thing has no reward—so don't do it!  Someone needs to show him (and his mother) the REAL reward therein—and we bet you are just the person for that task.

What do you think, Readers???

XOXO

Lisa and Maddie

Are You Lurking in the Shadows?

Good Friday, Readers!

It's come to our attention that there are some new folks among you who may be shy to jump into this fray called Connecting Now.  We want to assure you that this is not an exclusive club—Absolutely Not! We welcome fresh blood as much as they do in really remote areas of Appalachia. 

Additionally, one does not need a Google email address to have a Google account—we're not sure how this mystery works, but it does.  If you need help figuring out how to comment, we have a resident expert (Marita) who can help!

We also want to assure you that this is a (mostly) congenial bunch, but that shouldn't keep anyone from having an opposing view point.  So H.B. no need to hold back!  Much.  Yes, on second thought, you could hold back a smidge.

On another note, we've got a couple of great conundrums lined up for next week—one involves a mom we'd like to smack about the head—figuratively of course, and the other has to do with a HUGE double standard.

For now, we give a hearty welcome to anyone standing in the shadows—come on out—the weather's fine.  And for all Our Readers, if you have a friend you think might have problems enjoy this site, this would be an ideal time to invite him or her.  We (meaning MikChiks + Readers), would love to give them a rousing welcome.  And if you invite someone, let us know, so we can thank you.

Well, we hope your weekend is spent with someone you love and that wherever you live, you get the perfect amount of rain—because lately it feels like it's a flooding-feast or dried-up-famine out there.  We wish we could tilt the earth back and forth—even things out—but alas, we cannot.  And God seems to prefer the rotation bit over the back and forth.  And who is going to argue with the Big Guy?

All in Goodwill,

Lisa and Maddie