Reader Hits a Taboo

See?  It's easy to find these things really funny.

Dearest Mik Chiks,

My wife and I have been known to buy a tee shirt or three from our favorite restaurant (of the Tex-Mex persuasion). Many of their tees poke fun at, or play off of, cultural icons such as Speed Racer, the Marlboro Man, etc.

One recent tee featured a piñata in the form of the restaurant's mascot (a fish). The caption? "I'd hit that."  Always thought the "I'd hit that" thing was really stupid, so I found this hysterical and bought it.

The first time I wore it to work (the atmosphere there was *extremely* casual) a friend was horrified I'd worn it, saying it would suggest things she knew I had no intention of suggesting.

So... do you really think anyone with even the least hint of a sense of humor would take this shirt as being suggestive? I've avoided wearing it, but I still think it's hysterical, and it's feeling rather rejected. Am I being foolish or insensitive, or was my co-worker grossly over-reacting?

Fondly,
A guy carrying a stick in the hopes a piñata is lurking nearby.

Dear, Dear, Dearest Guy:

Okay.  You know me.  You know I’m not uptight.  At all.  To a fault, perhaps.  I like you a lot, Guy, and you’re pretty hilarious.

But “I’d hit that,” is, indeed, a very commonly known colloquial phrase these days.

And it means what your friend thinks it means.

I mean, I think it’s funny because you’re wearing it, and I know that you’re just a fun person who doesn’t mean to be crass, you’re just having a good time.  But If I saw a random guy I didn’t know wearing it, I might think he was a little on the sleazy side.

I don’t know what else to tell you, other than: maybe if you put a picture of your wife over the logo of the fish, nobody would be able to say anything about it.  Of course, then to those who don’t know what “I’d hit that” actually means, you’d have to clarify that you’re not beating your wife.  So it’s kind of a toss-up.

Maybe you could sew the shirt into a decorative pillow and keep it on your sofa.  You’d still get to enjoy it, and you could put it away if you had any stick-in-the mud friends over.

Readers?  Ever been in this sort of innocent pickle?

Equally Fondly,
Maddie

Of Pageants and Home Schooling.

Dear MikChiks,

I'm homeschooling my eight-year-old son, and we're doing fourth grade
this year using the A Beka curriculum. I've found that we don't need
to do extra review for tests and quizzes in certain subjects (such as
math, language and spelling). But for the subjects that require a
great deal of memorization (specifically health, science, and
history), I always review the material with my son the evening before
a scheduled test or quiz, with special emphasis on facts that will be
covered on the test. If he has a hard time remembering a certain
fact, we go over it several times until he feels confident about it.

In some ways, this feels like "cheating" to me-but it's been a long
time since I was in elementary school. I seem to recall my grade
school teachers giving out study worksheets before tests. I don't
think we had to study from the textbook or from our own notes at that
age. But my memory is a little foggy on that.

A Beka does offer homeschool "curriculum guides" with daily lesson
plans. But they're extremely expensive (even more so than the student
workbooks and teacher editions). I create my own plans for the school
year, and they work for us. But I often wonder whether those
over-priced books offer some hints about how to prepare students for
tests.

My son is learning the material and making good grades in all his
subjects--even in health, which has been tough for both of us.
(Honestly, did I really have to identify all those bones, muscles, and
parts of the respiratory system in the fourth grade?) But I would
love to know what other homeschoolers are doing/have done. Do you
drill orally the day/evening before the test? Prepare test review
sheets for your kids to study on their own? Or simply let them study
on their own from the textbooks?

Any advice will be greatly appreciated!

Sincerely,
Learning As I Go Along

Dear Learning,

In Lisa's absence, I've had a lot more time on my hands. I've been spending it wisely. Mostly on Netflix, watching episodes of Toddlers and Tiaras, the TLC show about little girls in beauty pageants.

I lounge on my couch in ripped pajama pants, eating day-old Chinese food saying things like, "Jenny, for crying out loud, HOW many times has your coach gone over this?! It's shuffle-ball-change, shuffle-ball-change, booty-tooch, spin, blow kisses, POSE! Get it together! You know if you don't at least get Mini Supreme your mom is going to take Sprinkles away! Stop crying, your mascara will run!"

When T&T interviews the mothers, they always say things like "The minute Chastity wants to stop pageants, we'll stop. It's all about her and what she wants." Then it cuts to a shot of Chastity having a meltdown and shrieking "I DON'T WANNA BE HERE!" in the bathroom of a Howard Johnson. The mother calmly scoops her up, adjusts her hair piece, reapplies her lipstick, and promises that they will get ice cream later.

When Chastity comes in second place, her mother is visibly disappointed but still vaguely smiley. "It's okay, we'll work harder next time."

Learning, is this at all what you go through with your son's school? Do you memorize all of his quizzes and pantomime them from across the room as he takes his tests? Have you ever suggested that he wear a "flapper" to make his teeth look prettier? Do you guilt him, and push him to the point of exhaustion?

If the answer to all of these questions is "no," then I think you're safe.

You're a home school mom, and one of the perks of this type of education is that it can be extremely tailored to fit your child's needs. You're not wasting time rehashing subjects he understands, and you're giving him valuable one-on-one time in the things that are more difficult. If only all kids were so lucky!

Just keep in mind that the point of education shouldn't necessarily be grades. While they are important, I think the bigger picture should be whether or not your son is truly absorbing the information and using it in his everyday world. Some people aren't "school people," so test taking doesn't necessarily reflect their intelligence.

So if you ever feel doubtful about your actions, just take a minute to examine your motives. Are you giving him prep because you feel he doesn't understand and you want to help? Or are you just worried about his GPA? If your goal is to help your son understand, then you can really do no wrong. That's your ultimate job as a parent, let alone his teacher.

If you feel like you need to double-check how much is sticking with him, try casually bringing up something he studied a couple weeks ago in regular conversation and see if he can contribute to. Even if he doesn't have all of the particulars straight, if he has awareness and recognition of what you're saying, that's a really positive sign. If he ever had to get that information again, he'd know where to look.

All in all, you should be proud of yourself.

I'm sure our Readers will be able to give you specific pointers on study habits!

Have an amazing Friday!

-Maddie

Top photo.

Is Sleepy being Dopey?

Readers!

As you know, Lisa is away and so we all get some nice one-on-one time. Thank you for all the lovely anniversary wishes. No thank you for all the baby-making chatter. You're all up to no good, I tell you!

Here is our conundrum for the day:

Oh dear whisperers of troubles and solvers of all things perplexing,

I have for you a rather fun, albeit, random conundrum. I, my dear hearts, am in love. I know, I know, adorable. A 20 year old college student in love! Shucks, the heart melts to think of it. However, I am in love with something you might not be able to guess. I, being of sound body and decidedly NOT sound mind, am in love with school. That's right, it enamors me. It enamors me so much that I am thinking of taking 25 credits this coming semester.

"But young lady." You might ask yourself, "Why on earth would you need to take 25 credits?" (for those of you new to this whole credit situation, 25 credits = 8 classes and a lab). Well, that question leads to a more peculiar answer, I am majoring in three different fields. I am currently a Communications/Biology/English major wanting to go into saving life and limb (literally) by becoming a D.O. specializing in Osteopathic Surgery. In order to graduate in time, I need to take just a few more credits than normal students. Now, to the real heart of the matter.

I have a problem, that problem is that I can NOT motivate myself in the mornings. I have gotten up once this semester to go for a run and that was at 9am. I hear most people consider that late, I consider it disgustingly early. But the thing is, in order to take 25 credits, I need to take a *gulp* 8am class!!!! So I pose to you the Scooby Doo duo of the 21st century, how do I make it so I wake up in time to get to this class?

I know that the common suggestions are to get a full eight hours of sleep (trust me, that isn't my problem), to eat healthy (I am training for a marathon, if I don't eat healthy I pass out when I run, so that is not the issue), to maybe have a cup of coffee in the morning (Problem is, I need to get up in order to get coffee in my fragile morning self), and to set multiple alarms (my phone has 5 on it currently). So, do you have any other suggestions that might help? Any anecdotes that others have given about their morning rising issues, any possible cheat to help me get my lazy arse out of the sack?

Affectionately and Always Gratefully Yours,

The Over-Sleeper with an Over-Achiever Complex

Dear Sleepy,

I thought about this for a long time. I really did.

It seems like you've tried a lot of little tricky mechanisms to fool yourself into awaked-ness. Maybe our readers will have some input.

But as for me, I have only two ideas, and they're both pretty major.

First Idea:

Have a baby, and keep it in a crib in your dorm room. A baby will force you to wake up. It will annoy the ever-loving crap out of you and demand attention for silly things like feeding, changing, etc. (Sidenote: Readers, this is incidentally one of the many, many, many reasons why I'm not rushing. So many reasons.)

Drawbacks of a baby: Although you will be awake, you will probably still have a hard time actually getting to class on time, if at all. Unless you have enough money to pay a babysitter.

Second Idea:

Suck it up. Sleepy, I know you, I love you, but it might just be time to dig deep and embrace the pain.

You've got some lofty goals for your career, and I'm fairly certain that in the real world it won't be okay for you to show up for work at noon. You're so ambitious and unfortunately, this is just part of the gig.

I think half the battle is your frame of mind. When one of my friends quit smoking, one of the biggest things that helped her was to simply say to people "I'm not a smoker," even in the midst of a serious craving. Try telling yourself "I am not a late sleeper," and be determined to drag yourself out of bed in the morning. Don't worry about being cute and perky, just worry about being physically present with your eyelids open.

You're a smart, able-bodied girl, you can do it.

I've got no doubt.

Readers!

Got anything less tough-lovey for Sleepy?

Was I too mean?

Maybe.

I don't have Lisa to make me kosher.

Sleepy--I love you.

Readers--I love you too.

-Maddie

Photo Credit!

Monday a la Etceteras!

Good Monday, Dear Readers!

Before we get to the drawings, and while you're fresh and I (Lisa) have your attention, there are a couple of announcements to be made.

Nummer Eins—Tomorrow I fly to Germany to visit The Fam.  It's loooooong overdue.  And while I hoped I wouldn't be going alone, that's the way it has to be—unless I want it to be another four years before we see one another again.  

We're currently on our own Olympic cycle. 

But with my family conditioning never hurts!

So what does this mean for you—the Loyal and Patient Readers?  It means you get Ten Days of Undiluted Madeline.  I'm hoping to make it through this ordeal without resorting to phrases like:  Noch, ein Bier, bitte!

Speaking of Prosting, today is Madeline and Aaron's Wedding Anniversary!  And they're still going strong! But I'm no closer to becoming a grandmother that I was two years ago.

Moving right along. . . thanks to you all, we are fat (or pregnant even) with coNUNdrums!  On a side note—today Maddie and I were stopped in our tracks (or in our seats if you want to be precise—while we were picking our way through a salted pretzel—to perform on-the-spot-public coNUNdrum Solving. 

For which we did not charge.

Stayed tuned—those developments should be revealed before a fortnight has passed.

But back to Undiluted Madeline—please don't egg her on! And thanks again for sending in those great coNUNdrums. We earnestly appreciate it!

And finally to the Giveaway Results!

The "Winner" of the Flat Iron is Leah!  *applause*

The "Winner" of the Curling Iron is Tiff!  *applause*

The Winner of The Wedding Letters, by Jason Wright is Mari!  *applause*

The Winner of Her Safari signed to an "Elizabeth" is Melody!  *applause*

And lastly—the Winner of the Mystery Prize is Verna!  *applause*

Verna will receive something from Deutschland—but it won't be a Dachshund.  They don't ship well.

So that's it!  Winners (specifically the winners mentioned above) please send me your addresses by tomorrow morning—or U. Madeline thereafter.

I'll be checking in from time to time, trying not to miss you all too much.

Auf Wiedersehen und Tschuss.

XOXO

Lisa

P.S.  If you've been following Rita's Her Safari Blog Tour, there have been several stops in several days.  It makes me wonder just how fast Les is driving that bus.  We are currently at Dee's, where someone will win a Gift Card for Java:).

The Hasselhoff Help Plan

Dear MikChiks,
When writing a blog, you want to have people read what you write, comment
and hopefully follow you...at least I assume we all do.

Lately I feel like I have a reader that knows my every move. I am beginning
to feel a bit weirded out about the whole thing. I feel like she 'visits'
and comments all the same blogs as I do and like wherever I am there she is!

And sometimes I post outfits on my blog and one time I posted an outfit pic and this particular follower sent me an email with a picture of her in the EXACT same outfit that she had copied and thought was cute to send me...again, I was a bit creeped out.

Blogging and social media are meant to share yourself and your writing
but, what do you do when you feel like you are being copied, stalked and
mimicked? Help, MikChiks!

Just a Bit Freaked

Dear Freaked,

Most people will tell you that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery—to which we say—intellectual property theft!  And we know a lawyer that deals with such cases, if you would like her number.

 We suppose the bona fide way to handle this situation depends on a couple of things:

1. Do you know this person in real life?

2. Do you have a celebrity complex?

If the answer to both of these questions is 'yes', then you have probably, literally, been asking for this for years.

If the answer to both of these questions is 'no' then you have a legit concern. Clearly this person has grafted onto you electronically, and doesn't want to let go. We recommend shattering her image of you by posting "questionable" photos on your profile. Nothing over the top, but something with juuuuuust enough oompf that you'd be embarrassed if your grandmother saw it. Something along the lines of a photo of David Hasselhof in a Speedo. Or just a pic of David Hasselhoff fully clothed.  If that doesn't turn her away, we just don't know.

But back to those two questions.  If the answer is 'yes' and 'no,' then you should just have an honest heart-to-heart.

If the answer is 'no' and 'yes,' then your conundrum is moot. This is probably just another way you are seeking to get attention. You're the sort of person who hires paparazzi to follow them out of Wal-Mart. There's nothing to be done about this, except you may want to try to be a better, less arrogant person.

Now, seriously.

If you don't know the person, maybe you want to shoot her a personal message and just see where she's coming from. Keep it brief; be nice.  Something like:

"Hey!

I just wanted to drop you a line and say thanks for your support on my blog.  It means a lot. Do you have any online projects you're working on?"

If going on the offensive doesn't work, you may just have to deal with it. There's not a whole lot to be done with this new medium of socializing unless you take your marbles and go home.  And that can get dangerous, , , if you start to lose them.

And if none of this applies, sounds interesting, or pertinent, send your stalker our way.  Not only will it increase our traffic, but don't forget—we have that Intellectual Property Theft Lawyer in our back pocket—and up until now she really hasn't had much to work with.

Readers!

How do you stave off your stalkers?

XOXO

Maddie and Lisa

Anatomy of a Conundrum!

Yup, Mari gets another shot at the prizes!

Wild Wednesday Greetings!

What we love most about Monday's comments (and there is a LOT to love), is how some of you took us at our word.  That hardly ever happens.  This word specifically:  We firmly believe that anything can be written into the form of a conundrum. 

In hindsight, that might have been hyperbole brought on by misguided exuberance—we like to think of this as "confusiasm!"—which four of your comments might have cured us of. 

Forever.

These four comments specifically: 

• "If you aren't willing to know, then how will you know?"

• "It is hard to have patience while the patient is waiting."

•  "How can your very joyous of all joys also be your saddest of sads?"

• (When shopping at Walgreens) "Tristin, I got everything and more!"

While we understand that these are conundrums, we would like to stress that they've not been written into the high conundrum standard form that we've set here on Connecting Now.  But because these were all written by New Connecting Now Friends, we find them incredibly endearing—even as they lack a Certain Structure.   

Confusiasm! at its best!  

We've decided this is the perfect time to do some Remedial Conundrum Training.

Anatomy of a CoNUNdrum:

 1.  Send the conundrum to one of the email addresses on the sidebar in order for it to receive the full measure of the answer it deserves. 

2.  Begin with a salutation, i.e., Hiya MikChiks or Dear Pondering Dudettes...

3.   Ask yourself:  Is this about a cat?  

4.  Give enough background so we and The Readers can give intelligible  responses. 

1.  Don't give TOO much info! Unless it involves SSNs, DOBs, and Visa Card #s.  

2.  Sign off with something appropriate, or be bold and leave it to our imaginations.

Example: 

source link

Dear Over-Controlling MikChiks,

This is not about a cat.  Why is it that every time I go to Walgreens, I wind up exclaiming, "Tristin, I got everything and more!" 

Sign Me,

Walgreen Exclaimer

To which we might answer:

Dear Walgreen Exclaimer,

It's time to give your motives a long hard look.  Though it's true that you, too, could be prone to hyperbole or exuberance, we're thinking this is more of a pride issue.  Why do you feel the need to rub Tristin's nose in your shopping ability?  Or maybe you're a secret hoarder.  Or maybe it's really Tristin's fault, and this is your defense for his always mentioning one item or another that you've forgotten.  In which case, you and Tristin could use some marital counseling—unless of course, Tristin isn't your husband. . .

Telepathic Readers—what say ye???

All in Goodwill,

Lisa and Maddie

The structure here was good, though a little more background, would have made it easier to answer.  Notable Point:  these are all General Guidelines.  We invite you to use your creativity to your heart's content when sending in conundrums.  The owners of the four comments listed above are welcome to try again, or leave them as they are—as they are Truly Delightful.  And either way, their names go into The Hat for the Giveaways. 

BUT Most Of All, we want to stress how much we appreciate Every Bit of Involvement that you all give so graciously to this Inconsequential Corner of Cyberspace. 

We're more confusiastic! about that than Anything Else:).

Love, Love, Love,

Maddie and Lisa

Monday Madness and Mystery Givaway!

also available on Amazon

A Happy Monday to you, Dear Readers!

Today we have some Uber-Exciting Giveaways!

First of All, we have a signed ARC (Advanced Reader Copy) for The Wedding Letters, by NY Times Bestselling author, Jason Wright.  If you want a glimpse into the town we live and some of the Yahoos we run with—if you or a loved one would enjoy a novel filled with unusual conflict and tons of quirky charm—if you are a romantic at heart—then this is the book for you!

Some people collect ARCs, btw, as there is a very limited printing of them meant mainly for review purposes.  So this is a pretty cool giveaway.

Second of All, we have a copy of Her Safari (by a not-bestselling author) dedicated (specifically and thoughtfully) to someone named "Elizabeth." It was a classic tale of a woman who had her book signed and then accidentally left with the wrong one. This Elizabeth is untraceable. Mercifully, she had a somewhat popular name, much like the recent "Matthew" incident.

Third of All, we have a (non-book) Mystery Gift up our sleeves!

Mari gets her name in just for sending this!

So, if you would like a chance to let the Elizabeth in your life have Her Safari, or if you'd like to let the you in your life have a chance at The Wedding Letters, or at the Mystery Gift, send us a conundrum.

That's right.

This whole show of giving things away was actually a clever ploy to get you to write us about that which is perplexing or annoying or just plain fun in your life.  We firmly believe that anything can be written into the form of a conundrum.   As always we are open to various verb tenses—past, past perfect,  present, present perfect, plu-perfect, conditional, lifeboat, future etc.—all acceptable.  We're just not that picky. 

Mainly because we can't be.

And if the conundrum you send us doesn't involve felines, well, that's just an added bonus—for everyone.

So Creative Readers, we await your mail with Enthusiasm and Curiosity—even though that killed the you-know-what.

XOXO

Maddie and Lisa

P.S. Anyone who sends in a conundrum will have a shot at all three giveaways:).  

P.S.S.  We also have a 1 1/2 inch barrel curling iron and a flat iron (as seen on TV) that need a good home.  Let us know if you have need of one!