Valentine's Do's and Don'ts!

Greetings Romantic Readers!

We're a fortnight + two days out from Valentine's Day—the perfect time to begin backwards planning the sincerest expression of our hearts.

Towards that end, we bring you some suggestions based on what we've gleaned through the years.

DON'T wait till the last minute!

DO plan ahead!

DO give it thought!

Here's an exceptional example of that concept...

Sam had these postmarked in Loveland, CO, Valentine, TX, Loving NM, and Romance, AR.  Not sure how he managed it, but one arrived each day (in order) before the Big Day.  He gets a Gold Star!

So…

DON'T automatically spend a ton of money.  (More easily accomplished when you are:  a. thinking ahead, b. not feeling guilty, and c. poor.)

DO personalize it.

Or Maybe a public declaration is in order…

DON'T worry about how long it will take for your man to clean it up/scrape it off!

DO go in with the motto:  More is Better!

Sometimes romance starts in the kitchen...

Like today when I, Maddie, went to wash dishes, realized I was out of dish soap and that I'd forgotten to ask Aaron to pick some up.  But then I checked under the sink and found that he'd bought a bottle all on his own.  Big Red Heart Points!!

DON'T forget to be thoughtful and observant every day.

DO show your love with soapy bubbles.

DON'T forget about the fridge... 

Even if you DON'T have the luxury of playing with a full alphabet!

Next, DON'T forget about Dear Old Mom…

DO save those priceless mementos made with small hands—they'll warm your heart later.

DO save those priceless mementos made with small hands—they'll prove to be astonishingly revealing…

Maddie, Maddie, Maddie—you always had a way with those adverbs!

So Readers, what are your DO's and DON'Ts?  We want to know!  If you have pictures, send them to us!

And DON'T forget to enter the February Burning Love Contest!

Because we DO love hearing from you!

With Candy Hearts All the Way Around,

Maddie and Lisa-Lou

Explanation Of Confusing Burning Love Contest

Good Friday, Readers!

We confused ourselves with our own explanation of the February Burning Love Contest, so while yesterday we went on and on and on about brevity, today we tackle clarity. 

And clearly it will be best to start by tossing out both the Dutch and the Germans.

 Tossing done!

As An Aside:  Last night, I Lisa, asked for help on Facebook concerning this matter.  Pat G. responded, but frankly most of what she said was unintelligible.  Then our friend Ann N. weighed in with this explanation of our contest:

 You want a terse verse
with a splash-n of passion
And the limit in words
Includes nouns & verbs
To describe that soft glow
That all lovers will know
Then you give out a prize
If it tickles your eyes!

Applause Please!!!!!

Yet perhaps still too vague?

Okay, here is what we're looking for in SIMPLE and unpoetic terms:

Stories about the kind of love that burns in a good way—meaning it lights a person from within.  No more than 140 words.

Or a coNUNdrum of exactly 140 words, and we'll reply with exactly 140 words.  (We ripped this off from Jan A.--please follow her at One Hundred Words to save us on court costs.) 

Send your entries to Lisa:  miks@shentel.net   or Maddie:  mfmik@yahoo.com


We'll post them during the month on the blog.

Three coFUNdrum prizes will be awarded—one for our favorite overall entry—two for random entries because we appreciate your participation.

That should do it!  CONfusion cleared—our own mainly.

Hoping you all have a WONderful weekend with those who light up your life!  

(cue music)

xoxo

us

P.S. Rhyming is ALWAYS an entertaining option--anytime, anywhere.

Burning Love in February Contest!

Greetings Readers!

Today we announce our Burning Love in February Contest!!!!   We're hoping it reflects the month—passionate, yet short.  We're basing this contest off a quote and a saying.

The Quote. . . 

"Love is something eternal—the aspect may change, but not the essence.  There is the same difference in a person before and after he is in love as there is in an unlighted lamp and one that is burning.  The lamp was there and it was a good lamp, but now it is shedding light too, and that is its real function." Vincent van Gogh

The Saying…

Man sagt, die Zeit ist das Feuer, in dem wir brennen.

They say that time is the fire in which we burn.

In other words time consumes—we should be careful with it.

In the spirit of the Dutch painter, we'd like to hear your thoughts on the whole    Good-Lamp/Lit-Lamp concept.  All kinds of love (and loving acts) can cause us to "light up"—we want to hear about your own experiences, or times you've witnessed it in others.

In the spirit of those upbeat Germans, however, we'd like for you to keep it short—no more than 140 words.  (14 for Valentine's Day, 0 for additional word count).

Bonus points will be awarded if your entry rhymes! Just kidding.  Unless you really want to.

Perhaps this is rather complicated.  You could just send us conundrums with exactly 140 words.   Then we will answer with exactly 140 words.  Whichever way you decide to write in (miks@shentel.net or mfmik@yahoo.com), we at Connecting Now will go with it.  We're flexible.  Semper Gumby!  

You may enter as often as you like.  We'll award three fun prizes at the beginning of March—one for our favorite entry (In the event this decision induces ulcer formations, we may ask for outside unbiased help)—and two for random entries because we really appreciate your participation.

SIDENOTE:  We're pretty sure we were subliminally influenced in the set up of this contest by Jan over at One-Hundred Words.  So if you read this and aren't a follower of hers, please go HERE and sign up.  We don't want her taking us to court over intellectual property theft.   

That and we love her.

So there it is, Readers!  Let the confusion begin!

Mucho Amore,

Lisa and Maddie

Miss Cosmopolitan Foreign Speaker Extraordinaire !

Dear  Mik-Chiks,
I have a lot of friends from far-away places (as I know many other readers do as well). Also like many of you, I'm fascinated with words and expressions and love to learn new ones. Which brings me to my difficulty: is it considered acceptable for an American to use expressions such as "cheers" and "ta", or would that be viewed as an affectation?

Regards,

Miss Cosmopolitan

Dear Miss C.

Yes, we have many friends who are "out there," and can say with some authority that there are oodles of minuscule factors that can make these things okay or not okay. Mostly it has to do with your personality and your inflection.

If you can keep it casual when you use these words, and blend them into your speech in such a way that it's normal for you, then it's fine. If you find ways to construct obscure sentences so that you can whip out something fancy, then you're being obnoxious.

Also, it's not okay to randomly assume the accent of whatever language the word is from. That's totally pretentious. Everybody knows when you're a Vanilla Wafer American, and you should own that birthright and slaughter other linguistic pronunciations with abandon. The only exception to this rule is if you're trying to make a joke of how horrible your accent is--by trying overly hard to get it right.  then it's acceptable.

We are all about self-deprecation.

Readers!
Parlez vous foreign language etiquette?

Tchuss!
Maddie and Lisa

Lisa's gone and we're out of conundrums...

Readers!

There's been a lot of heavy stuff happening on the blog for the last week, and while it's all been good, it's starting to harsh my mellow, yo.

Plus, Lisa's out of town, and you know how I get when that happens.

So I'd like to propose that we all take a deep breath, and spend a few moments looking at this picture:

And then speculate on how we think God prefers to take His Almighty Chill Pill.
Cause everybody's gotta unwind, right?

I'll go first:
I think God likes a brisk morning walk, fancy cheese, a good haircut, swimming in lakes, all three Toy Story movies, cinnamon in His coffee, and fainting goats. I think He made fainting goats just because he was down one day and needed a good laugh.

Seriously.
I mean, I'm laughing right now.
If it works for God, it works for me.
I'm not picky.

What about you?
How do you see Him chillaxing?

Have a happy, laid back, and funny weekend.
Love,
Maddie

P.S. The title to this blog was serious, we're actually out of conundrums. Send us some if you're feeling it!

Pessimistic Follow-Up!

Greetings Readers!

 Thanks for your input on Half & Half's downer of a conundrum!  Your advice which included: pointing out  the silver linings; keeping distance when you need to;  praying for the ability to extend grace; and buying them a "Life is Good" mug—all spot on in our humble opinions.

We thank you!

But we told you we'd pick a favorite response and reward that advice-giver. Now there was a lot of good stuff, but we enjoyed Beth's comment the most.

Here's what she wrote:
My brother tells a humorous true story. He would take winter employment, graveyard shift, in a local factory. One fellow worker found a way to ALWAYS complain about anything and everything. One evening they entered the breakroom to find the refrigerator had been stocked with ice cream bars, and all sorts of refrigerated treats. My brother was just waiting to see what this complainer would have to say about that. The first words out of this guys mouth were, "What are they trying to do, kill us?"

Even though Beth's comment is anecdotal rather than instructional, it inadvertently gave us an idea (which Verna also touched on). 

Make fun of pessimists! Use humor!  

"Oh, Bob, remember that time you were sooo mad about all that free ice cream?" (Roll eyes and lick an imaginary ice cream cone.) "That was like, the worst day ever, right?" (Then go into a high-pitched tone and run around in a little circle with your arms flailing) "'They're trying to kill us! They're trying to kill us! Soon we'll be nothing but Moose Tracks on a Rocky Road!' Ahhhh, you crack me UP! Seriously, Bob, you're HILARIOUS! Pretending to be irritated at death by ice cream!"

Maybe that's overkill!   

But the point is to keep a sense of humor.  Pessimism can be thought of as Really Annoying OR as An Endearing Quirk.  When you frame it as really annoying, no one feels good.  When you frame it as a quirk, it's less ugly.  And in that less ugly place, you will have more influence on your friend.  Laughing at our short-comings, makes them easier to work on.  They become a thing separate from us, something we can observe with objectivity instead of a trait internally dwelling and defining us.

To help find humor in pessimism, we recommend this handbook—though we haven't read more than a few pages. Ergo we cannot vouch for it in its entirety—but we love the concept of a two-in-one book!  In fact, that will be Beth's prize—a copy of this book.  Maybe she'll even write a  review for us!

Thanks, Beth.

And one last note about pessimists—a few months ago we had a health scare in the family—a family consisting of all optimists.  We prayed of course, but they were the prayers of optimists.  And while we're not insinuating that those are sub-standard prayers, there is a difference.  But a good friend of ours (on the pessimistic side), had our back.  She took on the worry we so glibly passed over.  And though we didn't want her to worry, there was something Incredibly Comforting in her prayers for us.

So go hug a pessimist today!

At times you may have to protect yourself from their negativity.  But don't withdraw completely—they need you.  We all need one another.

All in Goodwill,

Maddie and Lisa-Lou

Half-N-Half Needs Help With Negative Neil

Greetings Readers!

Today we lay another conundrum at your feet!  What advice do you have for "Half-N-Half"?

Dear Mik Chicks,

We live in a half-a-glass world. You know…liquid in a glass about to the middle? The problem is, too many of us see the glass half-empty and fail to recognize the fullness of life our glass contains.

I remember as a child I was told by my teacher I was too pessimistic. I didn’t know what she meant and she prompted me to look it up in the dictionary. I have no idea what I was whining or complaining about, but I remember feeling insulted that my favorite teacher had the nerve to crush her “pet’s” little ego with a single vocabulary lesson.

I remember my father reading letters from Grandma to the family around the dinner table. She was always ailing from this, aching from that, dreading her winter utility bill because of the cold, needing a new fan in the summer because it was too hot. At the ripe old age of nine, I concluded she’d die soon from all her ailments. Would you believe she was my last living grandparent and I was married with children before she crossed over to the perfect land….I mean Promised Land?

I have a friend who seems to dwell too much on his half empty glass. Grant it, his situation isn’t one I’d want to be in, and he does genuinely have a lot to complain about, but I’m finding it ever so difficult to be an encourager when he is constantly dragging me through his discouragement.  Many times I feel guilty if my glass is on the three-quarter full mark or if I hang out with optimistic people.

I truly do ache for my friend and his situation, but other than avoidance, how does one deal with a constant half-glass person without letting it drain your glass?

Half-N-Half

We await your responses, Wise Readers—be they staid, hilarious, or otherwise!

We may have a little something for our favorite response, but it has to be here so everyone can see it--not posted to Facebook.  And points for brevity!

Hoping you all are having an Awesome Wednesday!

Mucho Love,

Lisa and Maddie-Lou

P.S. Our buddy Jan of One Hundred Words is running a Cool Contest.  For details, go HERE.

Cruddy Marriage Wrap-Up!

Greetings Readers!

Today we wrap up "Sad Obverver's" conundrum from Friday.  We thank you for your insights and the time you took to comment—both on Facebook and here on the blog.  There was wisdom in every comment—so much so that we're thinking about not answering conundrums in the future and just handing them over to you.

What do you think?

Even with the input you provided, though, I'm not sure if Sad Observer found the answers she was looking for.  Our intuition tells us she wanted someone who was in the throes of misery to explain it in a raw and real way.

Not sure that happened.

One of Sad Observer's questions struck us more than the rest—it was the one about what would be the tipping point to make /or allow a spouse to leave a dysfunctional marriage.

We've given that question (which we paraphrased) a considerable amount of thought—and we've added a Part B to it.  As a friend, what would be the tipping point that would induce you to encourage someone to leave his/her spouse?

The easy answer, of course, is abuse—physical or mental.  But when we love someone and we see them terribly unhappy and unfulfilled in a broken marriage that doesn't include blatant abuse, how do we feel then?  What do we counsel then?

This is of enormous importance because we believe that many times what allows one spouse to leave the other (in other words the tipping point), is not something in the marriage at all, but is an outside influence—maybe in the form of a new romance, maybe in the form of an encouraging friend:  you can do it; you can leave him; you deserve some happiness; it's better for the children; I'll be there to support you and help you get back on your feet.

We have friends we could say those very words to—and mean them—out of love.  But we don't.  We can't.  If a marriage is going to be destroyed, it's got to implode because of the parties involved—not explode because of our outside influence. 

God is bigger than divorce.  Jesus puts lives back together—even divorced lives.  But we don't want to stand before God during the final judgment and explain how with full knowledge of the sanctity of the covenant of marriage, we encouraged someone to break those vows. 

It's natural that imperfect people would create imperfect marriages.  There are no easy answers—especially when there are children involved.  But if anything, we hope that children would motivate us to be as selfless as possible—even when those spouses don't deserve it— just as Christ keeps His covenant with us though we don't deserve it.  And here we could include so much of the input given by the Wise Readers.  Pray. This life is but a vapor.  Pray.  With God all things are possible.  Pray.  Find strength in Him when you are weak.  Pray. Joy can be found even in the worst of circumstances.  Pray.  Find a hobby.  Pray.  Read books like "The Excellent Wife".  Pray.  Seek God's guidance.

Pray.

And these aren't platitudes.  They're what real people do in the face of real heartbreak.  And as Julie A. said on Facebook—sometimes women stay in marriages because they don't want to miss the miracle that could happen with God at the helm.  In other words, they stay because they hope. 

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

You called us Romantic Optimists, Sad Observer—and perhaps you are right.

But in light of 1 Corinthians 13:7—it doesn't feel like such a bad rap.

 

So what say The Readers?  

And what do you think about getting first crack at the conundrums this year?  

We await your replies!

All in Goodwill,

Maddie and Lisa

When A Marriage Hoovers (sucks)

Dear Readers-

We kick off the year with a "cruddie" conundrum.  And, though we have thoughts on it, we feel the Letter Writer might prefer to hear from you first and foremost. 

And we're okay with that:).

Dear MikChiks--

 I currently have four--yes, four!--good friends who are in cruddy marriages. (And I promise you, this isn't one of those thinly veiled "I have a friend who..." letters.) They're all living in varying degrees of crud, and all of them take their marriage vows very seriously. So it's likely that the crud will continue, and my friends will be stuck in their sadness for a long time. Yes, I know that things can change, and that marriages can be healed. I also know that lots of times, nothing changes, ever.

Here's my question--I'd love to hear from other people who have decided to stay in less-than-ideal marriages. FAR less than ideal, in fact. Anonymous replies would be dandy. Why do they stay? How do they deal with the pain? Would they ever consider walking away, and what would be the tipping point?

And for you, MikChiks--do you have any thoughts on this? I know you to be very romantic and optimistic. (Not overly so!) But if there's no infidelity and no violence, just misery, what can be done?

Sad Observer

So Thoughtful Readers, what do you think?  You are welcome to leave a comment here and now, but you are also welcome to write directly to us (miks@shentel.net; mfmik@yahoo.com).  We'll post your responses (anonymously if you'd like) on Monday's blog, where we'll add our thoughts to yours.

Well, week one of the New Year is done.  That went fast.  Hoping you and yours enjoy every minute of the first weekend!

All in Goodwill,

Maddie and Lisa

P.S.  Lisa did some moonlighting over at  JoE's 

Updates from 2011!

Greetings Readers!

We thought we'd start the New Year off with a few updates.  The first one comes from mom who wanted to find her son a book on dinosaurs that didn't undermine a Biblical worldview.  Here's her letter!

Dear MikChiks,

I just wanted to thank you and everyone who gave advice regarding my son who loves dinosaurs.  I'm glad to know that others have grappled with this issue, too.  I'm checking out the books and web sites that were recommended.

My husband has read some heavy-duty books about Intelligent Design and even attended a conference on the topic--but he says (and I would tend to agree) that this probably isn't the time to try to explain it to our son.  It's not Creationism... but I think it might be useful in the future, as the little guy reads more and has more complex questions.

I think the faith/science question will be ongoing for us.  But we'll take it a step at a time.  Thanks again for all the wonderful input!

Dino-Mom

You're welcome, Dino-Mom!  Our next letter comes from The Reader who wasn't sure if she should uproot her cat when she moved from the country to the city.

Dear MikChiks,

Just wanted to update you on the tale of the country cat moving to the city. She's been City Cat for a few weeks now and is doing pretty well. Because she was stuck in just the garage at first, I've started letting her come into my bedroom, which she loves but now she thinks she's an inside cat. She enjoys the extra cuddles inside and sleeping on my bed while I write (I put a special blanket on it for her and then take it off when she's out, so I'm not breathing cat hair all night).

However, the new catnundrum is that she's bored and getting demanding. One can only do so much sleeping, grooming, and wandering outside on a little plot of grass. Then she starts tearing at the door's weather-stripping, meowing, pacing, and attacking any random feet or hands that look amusing. I have scratches to testify this. We spray her with a water bottle when she scratches the door and have tried buying her toys or playing with strings or balls with her, but she only does that for a short time and while I'm actively with her. As it happens, I have more things to do in a day than exclusively cat-sitting.

Any advice for teaching a cat deprived of eight mice-filled acres to entertain herself? (Sending her back to the farm isn't a good option because of the previously-mentioned scratching and attacking--she isn't mean but doesn't care about the fragility of human skin, so isn't a good children's feline).

Enjoying the cuddles but not the restlessness,

City Cat's Person

City Cat Herself!

Dear City Cat's Person,

Maybe it's time to let her out of the garage, and just pray she doesn't join some gang or become a hoodlum.  Or you could go to your local mega-pet store and find a hefty piece of feline exercise equipment.  Perhaps they even have a program where you can check out a new piece every couple of weeks—so she doesn't get bored.   We'd also recommend a gloves for your own defense.

Next up is an update from Nervous who wasn't sure what to do with planning a Big Vacation in the midst of clamoring extended family.

Danke, darlings. You know, that advice really is spot on. It allows me to enjoy the planning (sometimes a good portion of the fun is the planning...) while not offending anyone or leaving them out. Brilliant.

I'll be sure to let y'all know how it turns out, but the trip's not till May. There's always Christmas family fun to make it through first :)

And don't even think you're getting away with avoiding the CATundrum. Meow.

We'd never avoid ANY of the multitude of CATnundrums that come our way!  Sheesh!  Our last update comes from Hip-Sister who needed to break some bad news to someone who was in a similar situation.  Hip-Sister wrote the family a beautiful letter—here's the result.  We've changed the names.

Dear MikChiks,

Here's the response..... That almost made me cry (in a good way!) Okay. Scratch the almost. ;)  And look! Nothing in the e-mail that my over analytical mind feared! ;)

Veronica (aka Hip-Sister), I am so sorry to hear about your pain! Of course we will pray for you and for God's will and wisdom for you! We know that God brings good from all things, though we don't understand what that could possibly be at times. You will be in our thoughts and prayers, and we are honored to be your prayer warriors. You are a special and beautiful girl, touching so many lives and being such a positive role model for so many young kids, as well as an inspiration to both the young and old. You are a blessing and I know through this that you will be blessed, and that you will undoubtedly bless others through it. This hits so very close to home for us, especially to Leah, and we are going to begin praying for God's healing touch on your hip right now! Take very good care and let us know what we may do to help you. We love you, Vernonica!

So there you have it, Readers!  Some of what was accomplished last year.  Mostly, we thank you for your continued insights, letters, and support in 2012!  And remember no conundrum is too insignificant (or otherwise) for us!  We've got an awesome team assembled:).

All in Goodwill,

Lisa and Maddie